Riverdale S01E05 Review: Heart of Darkness – Maple syrup is the root of all evil

After last week’s unpleasantness, we are back to weirdness, which I always prefer. Cheryl Blossom may have seemed like a stock character from any TV show or movie ostensibly aimed at teens–witness Veronica even telling her that last week–but we get a good look at Ma and Pa Blossom this week and honestly, it’s a miracle she’s as well-adjusted as she is. I know that’s not saying much, considering she’s a poisonous apple in heels, but again, look at the tree from which she fell.

The Blossoms live in a house with a name, Thornhill, which tells you that they’re well-off. The name also gives you kind of a clue as to what the house is like, but I feel like a phrase like “gothic nightmare mansion” gets the idea across better. That’s where we open this week in the middle of a nightmare, in fact. Cheryl’s been working on her eulogy for Jason in Jason’s bed–of course–and fell asleep, where she dreamed that he’d clawed his way out of the grave and was coming for her.

This is also where her mother finds her. Maybe like me, you’d had sympathy for Penelope Blossom when she slapped the fire out of Alice Cooper a while back. That sympathy withers on the vine now, as Penelope tells Cheryl that she will not be speaking at HER TWIN’S MEMORIAL, because she will probably just say something embarrassing. The parents really run the gamut on this show, but Penelope is trying hard for the bottom.

Also in the running with her is Hal Cooper (Lochlyn Munro), whom we find out not only stole Sheriff Keller’s murder wall, but also kept secret that Polly and Jason were engaged. It was the breaking of the engagement that broke Polly. We don’t actually learn any of this until later in the episode, because all he tells Betty is that they had a bad fight and Polly tried to kill herself. That’s bad, obviously, but it doesn’t seem like it was hard to figure out. Also, it doesn’t explain the wild anger between the families, so vicious that–remember–Alice tried to ruin Archie because he just reminded her of Jason. There is something more to it, but we’ll get back to that and Hal later. [As for Alice, she’s gone to a spa for female writers, which…send me.]

First, the murder wall. You know if anyone is up for recreating it, it’s intrepid reporters Betty and Jughead, who do so with Kevin’s help. They also use the memorial and reception at Thornhill to snoop around, specifically in Jason’s bedroom, which is where old grandma Rose–yes, Rose Blossom–just hangs out in the dark, apparently. She mistakes Betty for Polly and that’s when we find out about the engagement.

Rewind one moment to the memorial itself, Penelope has invited only those she suspects of Jason’s murder. It’s also where Cheryl has donned her outfit for the 4th of July–you know, the last time she saw Jason–and hijacks the proceedings to give the eulogy she wants. It’s a really normal, healthy event. Anyway, for her troubles, Cheryl’s threatened with boarding school in Europe. God, Penelope–shut up.

Now we’re back to Hal. Betty confronts him with the new wrinkle in her sister’s life and that’s when we find out the greatest reveal thus far on Riverdale. The decades-long feud between House Cooper and House Blossom is because Cheryl’s great-grandpa MURDERED Betty’s great-grandpa to take control of their maple syrup business. What is with this town and maple syrup?! That question doesn’t get added to the murder board, but Hal Cooper’s name should.

And while all of this is going on, Archie’s deciding to dedicate himself to football, so he can get a scholarship and study music in college. Pussycat Valerie (Hayley Law) hooks him up with Oscar Castillo (Raul Castillo), an adjunct at local Carson College, who is her music mentor. I’m pretty sure that’s just in the normal way, though, and not in the Grundy way. Unsurprisingly, Castillo finds Archie’s songs “juvenile” and chides him for not having sheet music. You know, Archie could have learned a lot more about music if his teacher had actually been teaching him.

At the memorial, Archie gives Penelope Jason’s jersey, which should have been retired anyway. Coach Clayton sees this as the mark of a captain, but Archie turns him down, believing that Reggie (Ross Butler) deserves it because he’s devoted to the team. Archie’s decided to focus on his juvenile music that is all about break-ups. (I love Oscar Castillo.)

I’m sure that will be a comfort to Fred Andrews, if he weren’t so hot for Hermione this week. They went to the last picture show last week together and he thought it was a date. She didn’t, because they’re both married, and he’s very awkward about it. But there’s no time to dwell on that, because someone has left a box for Hermione at Pop’s. By the way, if someone just leaves a box for you in the middle of the floor at your workplace, don’t open it. Definitely don’t if you’re in a TV show or a movie. It’s bad news. In Hermione’s case, it’s a snake. Or a serpent, really. Like a Southside Serpent. That’s how they send threats, I guess. It’s enough to send her hurtling into Sideshow Luke Perry’s arms and with that comes a job offer as a bookkeeper at Andrews Construction. Of course, he’d previously turned her down when she’d asked for that job, because of her husband’s scandal, but when it comes to love–or “love”–the Andrews men always make the best decisions.

8/10 – The Archie plot was supposed to be the A-plot, I think, but like last week, the show is weaker when it focuses on everykid Archie. The strength is in leaning into its campiness, its weirdness, its maple syrup monopolies and murder walls.

COMMENTS

Please read our Commenting Policy before you join in with the discussion.

Note: If you have email notifications enabled, please check your email spam folders to ensure emails are not missed.

2 Comments

Inline Feedbacks

View all comments

Robert Miller

4 years ago

I like your reviews. This show Riverdale is absolutely my favorite new show in the past 12 months. The “hot-tub” scene, where lili shows her “poison ivy” side is the best thing so far. An absolute bonkers, but also powerful and genuinely disturbing scene. I think they overdo it with the aggresively cruel and mean-spirited parents. But it is a very good mix of characters, and Lili and Camila have strong roles which I am happy to see develop over the next season. Hopefully this show finds an audience. Keep up the good reviews!
un abrazo, desde Fort Worth, TX

Salome G

Reply to Robert Miller

Aw, thank you so much! Yeah, I do think the parents are a bit over-the-top. I’d chalked that up to its comic book roots, but it definitely comes off as glaring. And I agree with you–I enjoy the show a lot and I hope that it maintains the quality it has had so far.

Cookie	Description
_pxvid	This cookie is used for detection of the browser and distinguishing whether it is a real user or malicious bot.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-advertisement	The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Advertisement".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics	This cookies is set by GDPR Cookie Consent WordPress Plugin. The cookie is used to remember the user consent for the cookies under the category "Analytics".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary	This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-non-necessary	This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Non Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance	This cookie is used to keep track of which cookies the user have approved for this site.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-preferences	This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Preferences".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-uncategorized	The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Uncategorized".
CraftSessionId	This cookie name is associated with the Craft web content management system, where is functions as an anonymous session identifier.
csrftoken	This cookie is associated with Django web development platform for python. Used to help protect the website against Cross-Site Request Forgery attacks
DSID	To note specific user identity. Contains hashed/encrypted unique ID.
JSESSIONID	Used by sites written in JSP. General purpose platform session cookies that are used to maintain users' state across page requests.
PHPSESSID	This cookie is native to PHP applications. The cookie is used to store and identify a users' unique session ID for the purpose of managing user session on the website. The cookie is a session cookies and is deleted when all the browser windows are closed.
viewed_cookie_policy	The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.

Cookie	Description
b30msc
btc
CMST
cref
d
gpl
i
icts
ig_did
mdata
na_rn
na_sc_e
na_sr
na_srp
session_depth
visitor-id

Cookie	Description
__gads	This cookie is set by Google and stored under the name dounleclick.com. This cookie is used to track how many times users see a particular advert which helps in measuring the success of the campaign and calculate the revenue generated by the campaign. These cookies can only be read from the domain that it is set on so it will not track any data while browsing through another sites.
__stid	The cookie is set by ShareThis. The cookie is used for site analytics to determine the pages visited, the amount of time spent, etc.
_ga	This cookie is installed by Google Analytics. The cookie is used to calculate visitor, session, camapign data and keep track of site usage for the site's analytics report. The cookies store information anonymously and assigns a randoly generated number to identify unique visitors.
_gat_gtag_UA_60765351_1	Google uses this cookie to distinguish users.
_gid	This cookie is installed by Google Analytics. The cookie is used to store information of how visitors use a website and helps in creating an analytics report of how the wbsite is doing. The data collected including the number visitors, the source where they have come from, and the pages viisted in an anonymous form.
ad-id	Provided by amazon-adsystem.com for tracking user actions on other websites to provide targeted content
demdex	This cookie is set under the domain demdex.net and is used by Adobe Audience Manager to help identify a unique visitor across domains.
DigiTrust.v1.identity	Registers data on visitors’ website-behaviour. This is used for internal analysis and website optimization.
dmvk	This cookie is set by DailyMotion who display videos, it registers statistical data of visitors' behaviour on the website.
gid	This cookie is installed by Google Analytics. The cookie is used to store information of how visitors use a website and helps in creating an analytics report of how the wbsite is doing. The data collected including the number visitors, the source where they have come from, and the pages viisted in an anonymous form.
GPS	This cookie is set by Youtube and registers a unique ID for tracking users based on their geographical location
is_unique	This cookie is set by StatCounter to determine how people are using the website
is_visitor_unique	This cookie is set by StatCounter to determine how people are using the website
sc_is_visitor_unique	This cookie is set by StatCounter to determine how people are using the website
v1st	This is set by DailyMotion to display videos.

Cookie	Description
__asc	This cookie is used to collect information on consumer behavior, which is sent to Alexa Analytics.
__auc	This cookie is used to collect information on consumer behavior, which is sent to Alexa Analytics.
__qca	This cookie is associated with Quantcast and is used for collecting anonymized data to analyze log data from different websites to create reports that enables the website owners and advertisers provide ads for the appropriate audience segments.
_cc_aud	The cookie is set by crwdcntrl.net. The purpose of the cookie is to collect statistical information in an anonymous form about the visitors of the website. The data collected include number of visits, average time spent on the website, and the what pages have been loaded. These data are then used to segment audiences based on the geographical location, demographic, and user interest provide relevant content and for advertisers for targeted advertising.
_cc_cc	The cookie is set by crwdcntrl.net. The purpose of the cookie is to collect statistical information in an anonymous form about the visitors of the website. The data collected include number of visits, average time spent on the website, and the what pages have been loaded. These data are then used to segment audiences based on the geographical location, demographic, and user interest provide relevant content and for advertisers for targeted advertising.
_cc_dc	The cookie is set by crwdcntrl.net. The purpose of the cookie is to collect statistical information in an anonymous form about the visitors of the website. The data collected include number of visits, average time spent on the website, and the what pages have been loaded. These data are then used to segment audiences based on the geographical location, demographic, and user interest provide relevant content and for advertisers for targeted advertising.
_cc_id	The cookie is set by crwdcntrl.net. The purpose of the cookie is to collect statistical information in an anonymous form about the visitors of the website. The data collected include number of visits, average time spent on the website, and the what pages have been loaded. These data are then used to segment audiences based on the geographical location, demographic, and user interest provide relevant content and for advertisers for targeted advertising.
_kuid_	The cookie is set by Krux Digital under the domain krxd.net. The cookie stores a unique ID to identify a returning user for the purpose of targeted advertising.
_px2	This cookie is set by PerimeterX who provide security analyst oversight.
_pxff_tm	This cookie is set by PerimeterX who provide security analyst oversight.
_pxhd	This cookie is set by PerimeterX who provide security analyst oversight.
ab	This cookie is generally provided by agkn.com and is used for advertising purposes.
ad-privacy	Provided by amazon-adsystem.com for tracking user actions on other websites to provide targeted content to the users.
ayl_visitor	This cookie registers data on the visitor. The information is used to optimize advertisement relevance.
bafp	This cookie is from Media.net and is used to deliver targeted advertising across their network sites ensuring users see relevant advertising.
bafp_t	This cookie is from Media.net and is used to deliver targeted advertising across their network sites ensuring users see relevant advertising.
bfp_sn	This cookie is from Media.net and is used to deliver targeted advertising across their network sites ensuring users see relevant advertising.
bfp_sn_pl	This cookie is from Media.net and is used to deliver targeted advertising across their network sites ensuring users see relevant advertising.
bfp_sn_rf_8b2087b102c9e3e5ffed1c1478ed8b78	This cookie is from Media.net and is used to deliver targeted advertising across their network sites ensuring users see relevant advertising.
bfp_sn_rt_8b2087b102c9e3e5ffed1c1478ed8b78	This cookie is from Media.net and is used to deliver targeted advertising across their network sites ensuring users see relevant advertising.
bfp_sn_t_8b2087b102c9e3e5ffed1c1478ed8b78	This cookie is from Media.net and is used to deliver targeted advertising across their network sites ensuring users see relevant advertising.
bfp_sn_td_2d31c94105a0aa6d1ceaea0c86c6b656	This cookie is from Media.net and is used to deliver targeted advertising across their network sites ensuring users see relevant advertising.
bito	This cookie is generally provided by bidr.io and is used for advertising purposes.
bitoIsSecure	This cookies are generally provided by bidr.io and is used for advertising purposes.
bsc	The cookies is set by ownerIQ for the purpose of providing relevant advertisement
CMID	This cookie is linked to advertising and tracking the products users were looking at.
CMPRO	This cookie is linked to advertising and tracking the products users were looking at.
CMPS	This cookie is linked to advertising and tracking the products users were looking at.
dc_id	This cookie is used to deliver adverts more relevant to you and your interests. They are also used to limit the number of times you see an advertisement as well as help measure the effectiveness of the advertising campaign. They are usually placed by advertising networks with the website operator's permission. They remember that you have visited a website and this information is shared with other organisations such as advertisers.
did	The purpose of the cookie is to identify a visitor to serve relevant advertisement.
didts	The purpose of the cookie is to identify a visitor to serve relevant advertisement.
dpm	The cookie is set by demdex.net. This cookie assigns a unique ID to each visiting user that allows third-party advertisers target that users with relevant ads.
eud	This cookie is from Rocket Fuel and is used to deliver targeted advertising across their network sites ensuring users see relevant advertising.
euds	This cookie is from Rocket Fuel and is used to deliver targeted advertising across their network sites ensuring users see relevant advertising.
everest_g_v2	The cookie is set under eversttech.net domain. The purpose of the cookie is to map clicks to other events on the client's website.
evo5_popin_instance	Prevents an interaction from reoccurring for visitors not accepting 3rd party cookies.
id	This cookie is set by DoubleClick (which is owned by Google) to build a profile of the website visitor's interests and show relevant ads on other sites.
IDE	Used by Google DoubleClick and stores information about how the user uses the website and any other advertisement before visiting the website. This is used to present users with ads that are relevant to them according to the user profile.
io.narrative.guid.v2	This cookie is generally provided by io.narrative.io and is used for advertising purposes.
KADUSERCOOKIE	This cookie is generally provided by pubmatic.com and is used for advertising purposes.
KTPCACOOKIE	This cookie is generally provided by pubmatic.com and is used for advertising purposes.
matchliveramp	This cookie is provided by w55c.net and is used for advertising purposes.
mc	This cookie is associated with Quantserve to track anonymously how a user interact with the website.
mxpim	This cookie is generally provided by mxptint.net for advertising purposes.
na_tc	This is a Social Media sharing tracking cookie.
NID	This cookie is used to a profile based on user's interest and display personalized ads to the users.
nnls	The purpose of the cookie is to identify a visitor to serve relevant advertisement.
pxrc	The purpose of the cookie is to identify a visitor to serve relevant advertisement.
pxvid	This cookie is set by PerimeterX who provide security analyst oversight.
rlas3	The cookie is set by rlcdn.com. The cookie is used to serve relevant ads to the visitor as well as limit the time the visitor sees an and also measure the effectiveness of the campaign.

Cookie	Description
__jid	Cookies set on the website by the third-party commenting platform Disqus.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional
disqus_unique	These cookies are set by Disqus so that users can comment on website/platform.
G_ENABLED_IDPS	The cookie is used by Google and is used for Google Single Sign On.
mid	The cookie is set by Instagram. The cookie is used to distinguish users and to show relevant content, for better user experience and security.
na_id	This cookie is set by Addthis.com to enable sharing of links on social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter
ouid	The cookie is set by Addthis which enables the content of the website to be shared across different networking and social sharing websites.
ov	This is a generic functional cookie that provides enhanced functionality and personalisation.
ts	This cookie is generally provided by PayPal and supports payment services in the website.
vuid	These cookies are used by the Vimeo video player on websites.

Riverdale S01E05 Review: Heart of Darkness – Maple syrup is the root of all evil

You might also like

FIND THE TOPICS YOU WANT...

Recommended for you