Review: Blair Witch

Four thousand years ago, when the original Blair Witch roared into theaters, much was made of the internet’s assistance in its success. It was the first movie to go viral, even though that wasn’t really a thing people said then. I remember seeing stories about it online, and maybe waiting a month for the website to load, but the majority of talk I heard took place in the real world, in places like video stores. So when I saw the movie, it was with no real conception of what would happen. And that final shot hit like a hammer.

In remembering the experience afterward when we left the theater and drove home, I’m reminded of a quote from Chris Cleave’s Little Bee.

“In your country, if you are not scared enough already, you can go to watch a horror film. Afterward you can go out of the cinema into the night and for a little while there is horror in everything. Perhaps there are murderers lying in wait for you at home. You think this because there is a light on in your house that you are certain you did not leave on. And when you remove your makeup in the mirror last thing, you see a strange look in your own eyes. It is not you. For one hour you are haunted, and you do not trust anybody, and then the feeling fades away. Horror in your country is something you take a dose of to remind yourself that you are not suffering from it.”

In the United States, we’d just about finished the decade and we didn’t know how good we had it. We didn’t know that a scant two years from then, on an idle Tuesday, horror would come home. This is the world in which the new Blair Witch finds us, seventeen years later and in the next century. We’ve been at war so long that it seems Orwellian. The hand-wringing they used to do over the TV coverage of Vietnam seems quaint now, when we can watch beheadings on the internet.

You could see the frustration, fear, anger, and the jadedness of the aughts bear itself out in many of the horror movies of the time. It is, after all, the decade in which the phrase “torture porn” was coined. Horror was relentless, brutal, and gory, much like the zombie stories that exploded in popularity. I took my mother to see Rob Zombie’s Halloween. She loves the original. Halfway into the new movie, I saw her cringe and realized: Oh, yeah. She doesn’t know what horror movies are like now. (I thought I did, until the end of the decade when I saw A Serbian Film. There has never been a finer review of that movie than Bloody Disgusting’s line, “You don’t want to see Serbian Film. You just think you do.” A part of my soul is gone forever now.)

And now we’re here, halfway through the teens, when horror has finally quieted down. There’s still blood and guts aplenty, but generally, the best horror films today are more subtle. The resurgence of thrillers may have something to do with that. One of the recent best in that genre is The Guest, written by Simon Barrett and directed by Adam Wingard. They also collaborated on horror flick You’re Next, a fun take on the home invasion trope. So when a mysterious little movie called The Woods turned out to be Barrett and Wingard’s Blair Witch update, it seemed promising, even though the phrase “found footage” makes my eye twitch now.

I shouldn’t have bothered. I once said The Hangover 2 was like they xeroxed the first movie and stapled it to Thailand. Let me xerox that comment and staple it to this review. Have you actually seen The Blair Witch Project? Great! You’ve seen this one, too. But if you insist:

James (James Allen McCune) and a group of friends venture into the Maryland woods in search of clues to the disappearance of James’s sister, Heather. This is, of course, the Heather from the original film, whose closeup scene became iconic. He’s inspired in his quest by a recently uploaded video that he believes shows her recently alive. His group of friends includes a film student, Lisa (Callie Hernandez), who wants to make a documentary about the whole thing. James’s group meets up with Lane and Talia, the locals who uploaded the video from a tape they found in the woods, and they all go in together.

And then they all fall apart. There are some new elements, like a drone-mounted camera and GPS, and the movie seems to make a long-debated fan theory canon, but largely, what follows is nothing you haven’t seen before: running through the woods, screaming in the woods, screaming at the woods. And it all ends up in a familiar little house. I bet you’ll never guess how it ends.

Why, then, are we here? Is it a meta comment on that fan theory? One of my movie pet peeves are films seemingly made with no concept of the actual audience–movies that are made without anyone asking beforehand: Who is this for? (See the recent Ben-Hur for an example.) This new Blair Witch is another one for the pile. It’s louder and larger than the original and if you haven’t seen the original, it may have its charms. But for the rest of us, who did see the first one, it’s the same old song. It’s just not the same world anymore.

5/10 – There’s just not much to say about a movie with not much to say. Screaming does not a horror movie make.

Need more? Check out Matthew’s article on the Blair Witch movies here.

Cookie	Description
_pxvid	This cookie is used for detection of the browser and distinguishing whether it is a real user or malicious bot.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-advertisement	The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Advertisement".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics	This cookies is set by GDPR Cookie Consent WordPress Plugin. The cookie is used to remember the user consent for the cookies under the category "Analytics".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary	This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-non-necessary	This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Non Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance	This cookie is used to keep track of which cookies the user have approved for this site.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-preferences	This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Preferences".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-uncategorized	The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Uncategorized".
CraftSessionId	This cookie name is associated with the Craft web content management system, where is functions as an anonymous session identifier.
csrftoken	This cookie is associated with Django web development platform for python. Used to help protect the website against Cross-Site Request Forgery attacks
DSID	To note specific user identity. Contains hashed/encrypted unique ID.
JSESSIONID	Used by sites written in JSP. General purpose platform session cookies that are used to maintain users' state across page requests.
PHPSESSID	This cookie is native to PHP applications. The cookie is used to store and identify a users' unique session ID for the purpose of managing user session on the website. The cookie is a session cookies and is deleted when all the browser windows are closed.
viewed_cookie_policy	The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.

Cookie	Description
b30msc
btc
CMST
cref
d
gpl
i
icts
ig_did
mdata
na_rn
na_sc_e
na_sr
na_srp
session_depth
visitor-id

Cookie	Description
__gads	This cookie is set by Google and stored under the name dounleclick.com. This cookie is used to track how many times users see a particular advert which helps in measuring the success of the campaign and calculate the revenue generated by the campaign. These cookies can only be read from the domain that it is set on so it will not track any data while browsing through another sites.
__stid	The cookie is set by ShareThis. The cookie is used for site analytics to determine the pages visited, the amount of time spent, etc.
_ga	This cookie is installed by Google Analytics. The cookie is used to calculate visitor, session, camapign data and keep track of site usage for the site's analytics report. The cookies store information anonymously and assigns a randoly generated number to identify unique visitors.
_gat_gtag_UA_60765351_1	Google uses this cookie to distinguish users.
_gid	This cookie is installed by Google Analytics. The cookie is used to store information of how visitors use a website and helps in creating an analytics report of how the wbsite is doing. The data collected including the number visitors, the source where they have come from, and the pages viisted in an anonymous form.
ad-id	Provided by amazon-adsystem.com for tracking user actions on other websites to provide targeted content
demdex	This cookie is set under the domain demdex.net and is used by Adobe Audience Manager to help identify a unique visitor across domains.
DigiTrust.v1.identity	Registers data on visitors’ website-behaviour. This is used for internal analysis and website optimization.
dmvk	This cookie is set by DailyMotion who display videos, it registers statistical data of visitors' behaviour on the website.
gid	This cookie is installed by Google Analytics. The cookie is used to store information of how visitors use a website and helps in creating an analytics report of how the wbsite is doing. The data collected including the number visitors, the source where they have come from, and the pages viisted in an anonymous form.
GPS	This cookie is set by Youtube and registers a unique ID for tracking users based on their geographical location
is_unique	This cookie is set by StatCounter to determine how people are using the website
is_visitor_unique	This cookie is set by StatCounter to determine how people are using the website
sc_is_visitor_unique	This cookie is set by StatCounter to determine how people are using the website
v1st	This is set by DailyMotion to display videos.

Cookie	Description
__asc	This cookie is used to collect information on consumer behavior, which is sent to Alexa Analytics.
__auc	This cookie is used to collect information on consumer behavior, which is sent to Alexa Analytics.
__qca	This cookie is associated with Quantcast and is used for collecting anonymized data to analyze log data from different websites to create reports that enables the website owners and advertisers provide ads for the appropriate audience segments.
_cc_aud	The cookie is set by crwdcntrl.net. The purpose of the cookie is to collect statistical information in an anonymous form about the visitors of the website. The data collected include number of visits, average time spent on the website, and the what pages have been loaded. These data are then used to segment audiences based on the geographical location, demographic, and user interest provide relevant content and for advertisers for targeted advertising.
_cc_cc	The cookie is set by crwdcntrl.net. The purpose of the cookie is to collect statistical information in an anonymous form about the visitors of the website. The data collected include number of visits, average time spent on the website, and the what pages have been loaded. These data are then used to segment audiences based on the geographical location, demographic, and user interest provide relevant content and for advertisers for targeted advertising.
_cc_dc	The cookie is set by crwdcntrl.net. The purpose of the cookie is to collect statistical information in an anonymous form about the visitors of the website. The data collected include number of visits, average time spent on the website, and the what pages have been loaded. These data are then used to segment audiences based on the geographical location, demographic, and user interest provide relevant content and for advertisers for targeted advertising.
_cc_id	The cookie is set by crwdcntrl.net. The purpose of the cookie is to collect statistical information in an anonymous form about the visitors of the website. The data collected include number of visits, average time spent on the website, and the what pages have been loaded. These data are then used to segment audiences based on the geographical location, demographic, and user interest provide relevant content and for advertisers for targeted advertising.
_kuid_	The cookie is set by Krux Digital under the domain krxd.net. The cookie stores a unique ID to identify a returning user for the purpose of targeted advertising.
_px2	This cookie is set by PerimeterX who provide security analyst oversight.
_pxff_tm	This cookie is set by PerimeterX who provide security analyst oversight.
_pxhd	This cookie is set by PerimeterX who provide security analyst oversight.
ab	This cookie is generally provided by agkn.com and is used for advertising purposes.
ad-privacy	Provided by amazon-adsystem.com for tracking user actions on other websites to provide targeted content to the users.
ayl_visitor	This cookie registers data on the visitor. The information is used to optimize advertisement relevance.
bafp	This cookie is from Media.net and is used to deliver targeted advertising across their network sites ensuring users see relevant advertising.
bafp_t	This cookie is from Media.net and is used to deliver targeted advertising across their network sites ensuring users see relevant advertising.
bfp_sn	This cookie is from Media.net and is used to deliver targeted advertising across their network sites ensuring users see relevant advertising.
bfp_sn_pl	This cookie is from Media.net and is used to deliver targeted advertising across their network sites ensuring users see relevant advertising.
bfp_sn_rf_8b2087b102c9e3e5ffed1c1478ed8b78	This cookie is from Media.net and is used to deliver targeted advertising across their network sites ensuring users see relevant advertising.
bfp_sn_rt_8b2087b102c9e3e5ffed1c1478ed8b78	This cookie is from Media.net and is used to deliver targeted advertising across their network sites ensuring users see relevant advertising.
bfp_sn_t_8b2087b102c9e3e5ffed1c1478ed8b78	This cookie is from Media.net and is used to deliver targeted advertising across their network sites ensuring users see relevant advertising.
bfp_sn_td_2d31c94105a0aa6d1ceaea0c86c6b656	This cookie is from Media.net and is used to deliver targeted advertising across their network sites ensuring users see relevant advertising.
bito	This cookie is generally provided by bidr.io and is used for advertising purposes.
bitoIsSecure	This cookies are generally provided by bidr.io and is used for advertising purposes.
bsc	The cookies is set by ownerIQ for the purpose of providing relevant advertisement
CMID	This cookie is linked to advertising and tracking the products users were looking at.
CMPRO	This cookie is linked to advertising and tracking the products users were looking at.
CMPS	This cookie is linked to advertising and tracking the products users were looking at.
dc_id	This cookie is used to deliver adverts more relevant to you and your interests. They are also used to limit the number of times you see an advertisement as well as help measure the effectiveness of the advertising campaign. They are usually placed by advertising networks with the website operator's permission. They remember that you have visited a website and this information is shared with other organisations such as advertisers.
did	The purpose of the cookie is to identify a visitor to serve relevant advertisement.
didts	The purpose of the cookie is to identify a visitor to serve relevant advertisement.
dpm	The cookie is set by demdex.net. This cookie assigns a unique ID to each visiting user that allows third-party advertisers target that users with relevant ads.
eud	This cookie is from Rocket Fuel and is used to deliver targeted advertising across their network sites ensuring users see relevant advertising.
euds	This cookie is from Rocket Fuel and is used to deliver targeted advertising across their network sites ensuring users see relevant advertising.
everest_g_v2	The cookie is set under eversttech.net domain. The purpose of the cookie is to map clicks to other events on the client's website.
evo5_popin_instance	Prevents an interaction from reoccurring for visitors not accepting 3rd party cookies.
id	This cookie is set by DoubleClick (which is owned by Google) to build a profile of the website visitor's interests and show relevant ads on other sites.
IDE	Used by Google DoubleClick and stores information about how the user uses the website and any other advertisement before visiting the website. This is used to present users with ads that are relevant to them according to the user profile.
io.narrative.guid.v2	This cookie is generally provided by io.narrative.io and is used for advertising purposes.
KADUSERCOOKIE	This cookie is generally provided by pubmatic.com and is used for advertising purposes.
KTPCACOOKIE	This cookie is generally provided by pubmatic.com and is used for advertising purposes.
matchliveramp	This cookie is provided by w55c.net and is used for advertising purposes.
mc	This cookie is associated with Quantserve to track anonymously how a user interact with the website.
mxpim	This cookie is generally provided by mxptint.net for advertising purposes.
na_tc	This is a Social Media sharing tracking cookie.
NID	This cookie is used to a profile based on user's interest and display personalized ads to the users.
nnls	The purpose of the cookie is to identify a visitor to serve relevant advertisement.
pxrc	The purpose of the cookie is to identify a visitor to serve relevant advertisement.
pxvid	This cookie is set by PerimeterX who provide security analyst oversight.
rlas3	The cookie is set by rlcdn.com. The cookie is used to serve relevant ads to the visitor as well as limit the time the visitor sees an and also measure the effectiveness of the campaign.

Cookie	Description
__jid	Cookies set on the website by the third-party commenting platform Disqus.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional
disqus_unique	These cookies are set by Disqus so that users can comment on website/platform.
G_ENABLED_IDPS	The cookie is used by Google and is used for Google Single Sign On.
mid	The cookie is set by Instagram. The cookie is used to distinguish users and to show relevant content, for better user experience and security.
na_id	This cookie is set by Addthis.com to enable sharing of links on social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter
ouid	The cookie is set by Addthis which enables the content of the website to be shared across different networking and social sharing websites.
ov	This is a generic functional cookie that provides enhanced functionality and personalisation.
ts	This cookie is generally provided by PayPal and supports payment services in the website.
vuid	These cookies are used by the Vimeo video player on websites.

Review: Blair Witch

You might also like

FIND THE TOPICS YOU WANT...

Recommended for you