The Redman Report: WWE Smackdown 10/2/12: “AJ is sweeter than carnation milk.”

A Smackdown without Mark Henry. How will I ever survive? Well, with a good ahow, thats how. Smackdown workrate soothes the soul.

I like the effort they’re making to get Sheamus looking like a bigger star. Its hard when he has no feud and has to stand around navel-gazing for three weeks, but they’re positioning him as important so hopefully it pays off. This entire conversation was fun and the only thing missing was Teddy Long coming out to say “Now hold on a minute playas!” He must have done it during the break, sadly. Anyway, fun chat and a super fun tag match made.

Jinder Mahal getting Chopped to Doom and jobbed out by Khali? Yes please! Best I’ve ever enjoyed that man.

Beth vs Alicia was actually a hell of a little battle there. I was expecting scraps, and it was still a <60 second match, but they really did some work with it, and Alicia especially hasnt looked so good in months. And Tamina makes the save and her and Beth Phoenix EYE F*CK EACH OTHER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING. I kid you not. I love this feud already.

Nattie wearing A DRESS. Lets leave it at that.

They played a new Rock video here, mainly about his childhood, which was nice. So I waited 90 minutes for the Cena version and never got it. Hopefully next week.

The tag match which sounded super fun on paper turned out to be super fun in reality. Really good stuff, all four men were working like madmen. Show and Sheamus are great big babyfaces, and Cody and Barrett are great bumping heels and also looked good when they got on offense. The opening was awesome – Show and Cody started, but before anything happened Show simply ROARED so hard he scared Cody into tagging out and fleeing to the floor. By roaring. A great man, is Show. Then he proceeded to chop the crap out of both of them. Finish was cool too, and once again I like how they’re positioning Sheamus to be the big deal – he came out first, he got the finish. And Show has been the #1 babyface on the show lately. Good times all round.

The only downer is that Booker calling Cody is starting to annoy me. He still acts as if he’s still feuding with him, which is fine for continuity’s sake, but he just sits there burying him all the time and it just comes off kind of petty. On the other hand, the way he called the BD Kick (“I been hit wit dat Disaster Kick dawg and lemme tell you, I went right to sleep, the Big Show could be out dawg.”) was great and he needs to do more of that with Cody, giving his moves legitimacy because he can vouch for how much they hurt, not calling him a coward and all that rubbish.

But he did give me that awesome qutoe for the heading, so I aint hatin’.

The Cole and AJ interview was weird, if anything, just because the roles are far too muddled. Cole is a heel, but he buries Bryan who is also a heel, as well as AJ who is still a babyface as far as we know. AJ the babyface wails on heel Cole by sticking up for the hated heel Bryan. And Bryan the hated heel comes out to defend the babyface AJ against the heel Cole. The Cole character is really complicating this entire angle because you have a heel who is buried so much on commentary by another heel that you get babyface announcers having to defend the heel as if he were a babyface. But then sometimes Cole agrees with Bryan and a lot of the time the babyfaces criticise Bryan as well. Just, argh. In conclusion, f*ck Cole.

Ted vs Hunico was a fun little match, Ted showed good fire and sold his arm really well (probably not hard given its really f*cked). Both guys need more to do though.

HOLY MOSES ORTON VS BRYAN!

Really, really loved that sh*t. Been looking forward to it ever since Bryan won MITB, and even though it wasnt at Mania, it still ruled hard. In the first place, Big Show was a MONSTER on commentary. I’m a sucker for people who can work commentary, I’m already in love with Show as it is, so he comes up in here and starts OWNING BITCHES on commentary…man. Best in the World right there.

But he’s got some serious competition from Randy freaking Orton, who is three for three matches so far in ’12. This was so great, the work, the moves, the story, everything. Before it started I saw Show sitting there and thought “Jesus, Bryan is so going to use him to get out of this.” And Orton knows that just as well because before the break when they go outside he stops to threaten Show in case he interferes and ends up EATING A KNEE for his troubles. Bryan working the arm over was fun, and a cool addition since Orton doesnt really do much body part work. I was already super into this, and then they did this MOTHER. F*CKING. INSANE sequence from Bryan’s kicks to Orton’s corner rollup to the slingshot over the ropes but Bryan held on only for Orton to collar him and HIT the DDT he had tried and missed earlier! I DIED. Then finally, of course, Bryan retreated outside and just happened to provoke the Big Show into getting physical and cause the DQ. He strikes again! Only this time Show has DQ’d Randy Orton, who is quite unhappy, especially since he saw it coming ten minutes ago, so they themselves get into a scuffle and woah, in a huge coincidence, they’re both going to be fighting in the Chamber which is only nine days away! I LOVE you Smackdown. So much.

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