The Redman Report: WWE Elimination Chamber 2012

The Elimination Chamber, the last stop on the Road to Wrestlemania. Who will be the champions heading into Mania? Will Cena Rise Above, or Embrace Hate? Santino Marella: World Champion? Find out now.

Wow, I would have put money on the SD Chamber opening up, but instead we have the Raw one. Weird start. Anyway, Punk and Kofi starting out sounded like fun and was really good, loved all of the babyface face-off spots. The spot where they both springboarded at Dolph and he ducked and they collided was great. Kofi being taken even semi-seriously for the first time in a year is awesome and just makes me wish they hadnt screwed around with this guy so much. I love Kofi. It was weird how seemingly easily Truth was eliminated there, and how soon. Dolph lived up to his reputation and bumped his ass off in this thing – all those bumps onto the steel must have sucked. Randomly doing chin ups on the Chamber wall just because he could was amazing. And HOLY JESUS THE SPRINGBOARD FENCE DDT! I freaking LOVE Kofi.

Miz came in and to his credit was doing the best Drew he possibly could. I forget where it was but the part where Punk forgot to counter him in the corner was hilarious. I liked the Punk and Jericho spot where Punk let go of the hold to get ready for Jericho coming in and they do the big face off. KOFI KINGSTON doing the big dive off the pod was awesome sauce and I was so in love with him by this point that I BOOED AND BOOED when Jericho immediately tapped him with that badass Liontamer. F*ck you! Stop hitting him asshole! Kofi was a monster in this match and Jericho being such a prick to him afterwards was infuriating, in a good way.

Then WOAH ANGLE ALERT! I thought the whole Jericho injury was awesome, frankly. I’d been trying to figure out how they get through the Chamber and end up with Punk/Jericho at Mania after beating one of them. The bump he took into the…thing was perfectly done and the reactions – especially Punk just sitting there stunned for a while, and even throwing up an X – were spot on as well. And thats how Jericho gets his title match. Really well done. On paper Punk being left with only Miz doesnt sound too good but I really liked the finish. Miz in this match looked better than he has in simply ages, and even though you knew the result, it was a fun stretch.

This was a weird show to watch in the sense that what you assumed was the main event is already over.

But Santino! Doing Rocky skits! To Eugene’s music! Excellent. If they really take Santino out of the match after all this I might seriously cry.

That Cena video was awesome. Hangin’ in the gym with his FCW buddies, that was really cool. Really enjoying these videos and I’m looking forward to the next 6 weeks of them.

Beth Phoenix wearing tartan getup to taunt Tamina about the Piper’s Pit coconut is just EXCELLENT details. I so love women sometimes. So, these two finally get it on, and by get it on, I mean work a match, even though all three of us wish I meant sexual intercourse. NEVER HEADBUTT A SAMOAN OR SOMEONE FROM ITS NEARBY ISLANDS! I laughed a lot. Cool spill to the outside there to get the heat. I liked the ongoing story of Tamina going for the Splash and Beth knowing to cut her off. Superplex was cool and it actually bothered me how little a reaction it got, but then they started trading strikes and Tamina made her comeback and people finally got into it, which was fun. She NAILS the superkick, and goes up and NAILS the Superfly Splash, kick out! Then BAM, Glam Slam. Really, really great stuff, Tamina looked like a worker and Beth looked really strong for the win. If you ignore her absence from television for all these months and all of the 60-second jobs you can almost buy into the ‘too dominant’ stuff. Hopefully all roads lead to Kharma. In any case, YAY for the women coming back on the radar. Oh how I’ve missed them.

So Ace’s HUGE announcement was what we already knew – he wants to take over Smackdown. Now just hold on a minute playa. What a sweet ride Alberto had.  What a sweet beard Christian had. This was an epic waste of time, which is exactly what I expected it to be, and Henry looks so out of place as part of the whining bitching heel crew. Really not excited by the prospect of feuding GMs here, but hopefully it leads to some sort of Leftovers tag match at Mania.

Another good Show promo. Who would have thought. The SD Chamber going here is another weird placement. Even though there’s nobody in it, it still feels weird to have the Elimination Chamber PPV with both Chambers on the undercard.

Santino! He’s, wait, yes, he’s in the pod! He made it to the match! Yes! Too excited for this guy. I have to say, I love me some Barrett, I am IN love with Show and they were awesome working together in SD ’11, but the start of this match was disappointingly boring. Cody entering and not wanting to get out and go after Show was cool, as was the three-way dynamic, with the heels teaming up for stuff like the high-low, and then turning on each other just because. Santino coming in a house of fire for half a second and Shakin’ Dem Ropes right into BIG SHOW was hilarious, and poor Show had to beat up Santino to a chorus of boos. Every time Santino went into the Chamber I just cringed, you felt like he would get killed in there.

Khali coming out, running wild with CHOPS OF DOOM for like 30 seconds before Show just goes BAM SPEAR and pins him was awesome. You could not have dreamed up a better way to use Khali. Anyway, the match REALLY picked up when Show decided to hell with it and started BREAKING BRYAN’S POD to try and get to him. What a man. And then all of a sudden, BAM, a million BDs and an elbow and CODY PINS THE BIG SHOW. Cody CELEBRATING like he was Santino Marella was amazing and totally sold this as a big moment. Speaking of Santino, ROLLUP! HE DID IT! Amazing. And then Barrett just goes and MAULS this f*cker, Drew style. Tying him up in the Chamber fence for the clinched knees was nasty and awesome. And then elbow missed, headbutt hit, SANTINO DOES IT! A-FREAKING-MAZING!

Going in Santino having his feel good moment lasting until the end, so that Bryan looks like an even bigger sneaky bitch for beating Santino to win, it made so much sense on paper and it was even better in execution. This finish RULED. Bryan’s wicked smile knowing he only had to beat SANTINO MARELLA to retain his title. Santino was just an insanely great pro wrestler throughout this whole thing, and he was immense here. And the people LOVED him. His rollup ruled, his Hulk Up, hitting the Cobra and the nearfall, it was all so awesome and you couldnt help but just get into it. And my GOD, the moment where he lurched up and almost, almost broke the LeBell Lock, only he couldnt make it and he had to tap, that was INCREDIBLE. Just a wonderful finish. I love you Smackdown.

And Sheamus! It was a bit nondescript just coming out and hitting a move (not to mention quite un-sporting) but whatever, Bryan vs Sheamus, at least at this stage. Good times.

I had some hopes for Swagger vs Gabes as a nothing match, but it was too short and wasnt really anything. Backstage, all I saw was Nattie in a Dress and ignored the rest.

Cena vs Kane was quite the fun brawl. I liked their Rumble match and this was another good brawl on that level, although different with the stip. I liked the comeback into the Kane Smother. I love how there’s just a wheelchair under the ring, just in case. But the symbolism of it was great. The weapony parts of this were good, like at this point with the wheelchair and the chairshots and then going into the crowd. The best part was the next bit where they were around the ring. Cena just going NUTS with the mic, repping Da Fave Five Dawg, and then with the stairs was great. NUTSO Cena is the best Cena. Cena Strength spots are always fun and then BAM Chokeslam! Great stuff. We get the nearfall of Taker’s hand just stopping the lid from closing, and Cena is historically always great at beating up guys with, on and around motor vehicles. The FU OF DEATH was cool but hard to take all that seriously really. It felt undersold. Anyway, Cena wins and eradicates evil.

Like I said, fun match, but it felt like there was something missing. That goes for the entire show as well. It wasnt a bad show, by any stretch, just…weird, and if anything, underwhelming. The card was thin and it was ordered very strangely. Its the last stop before Mania and it was sort of just…there. Nothing spectacular happened that made you go “Wow, cant wait for Mania now!” They set up three of the four main matches, but not by doing anything spectacular and you already knew the matches going in, really.

I think the other thing is that a lot of stuff that went on sort of teased things happening, when nothing actually did. Ace teased a HUGE announcement, and it ended up being nothing. Alberto AND Christian returned from injury to…do nothing. The Raw Chamber opening and Jericho being injured teased him doing something later on, and he didnt. And, probably the main one, after all of the story development and soap opera progression of Cena/Kane/Zack/Eve, we come to the PPV after THAT show and…no Zack. No Eve. No Embracing Hate. No character development. Just…Cena overcame and won a match. And of course he should have won, but its like…nothing of consequence happened. In some way it reminded me of how they built HHH and Orton, and then at Mania they had a straight wrestling match with no run ins, and everyone was like “Huh? Thats it?” This is the one match that could really have done with run ins and chaos and something happening within it. It was just a brawl that Cena won, and again it was a good brawl, but it came off as disconnected from the storyline. The whole show really felt like a B PPV. I hate to end on such a downer though, because it was a good show and I enjoyed watching it.