The Redman Report: WWE Smackdown 26/8/11: “Dats like Wilt Chamberlain!”

This show RULED. Honestly, if you’re a skipper, dont. Three great matches on this show. Highly recommended.

SCREEEEEEECH! Why, what do you know? Its Bret Hart! In Calgary! They seem to like him here. This segment was fine in what it established: Live Smackdown next week, and Orton vs Henry before Christian used his rematch clause. I wonder if they did that since the entire Raw angle was built around rematch clauses and they realised they never addressed Christian’s. Anyway, I dont mind the prospect of this since it will be a great match, cages are fun, and this will absolutely, 100%, undoubtedly be THE END. Plus, they need to do Henry/Orton at the PPV. I like that since NoC has a five week build they can build to a mini TV special in between, and here’s the opportunity.

It struck me when Mark Henry came out here that he’s been in this company, continually, since BRET HART was the WWF Champion. That is a long ass time. Anyway, he was great here and so was Sheamus. The Rematch! Legit cannot wait for this.

So, Christian vs Bryan. This RULED pretty hard. Really cool stuff like the springboard slap counter and completion, and the awesome stuff in the corner with the Pendulum attempt into Bryan’s kicks and the big knee. Great nearfall that was. They were just great at weaving their moves into this match, its what Bryan does and its what Christian does best. Cool finish too, even if Bryan lost again. Great work.

Laughed at Barrett refusing to work with the jobber. There’s a man who needs something interesting to do, pronto.

Alberto vs Sin Cara sounds awesome. Looking forward to the Live Special already.

Cara I! This is definitely Mistico back. This was a fine little Cara match, Mistico does look visibly smoother, and best of all, he’s keeping the Cara II senton-Lionsault finish! So glad, I love that. They didnt mention anything about…anything, so it remains to be seen whether the Caras will feud or not. My mother legit never noticed anything amiss, so they could just as easily ignore it completely.

OK, seriously, Orton vs Ted was SO GREAT. A legit great TV match, even better than Bryan/Christian. They got a hell of a lot of time, Ted has become a hell of a TV worker and Orton certainly had his 2011 working boots on. A bunch of great stuff that I cant even begin to name, cool moves, cool counters, and giving Ted a hell of a lot. Orton was busted open again too. And a great RKO finish off of Shinsuke. Such awesome work from both guys.

Ted looked so good doing this that it actually made Cody look like a douche turning on him afterwards. I’m not sure that doing all of the ‘Cody abandons Ted/lets him get beat up’ spots shouldnt have led to Ted being the one to ditch Cody and not the other way around, but whatever. Hopefully at least we get babyface Ted shortly. After all this time.And hey, if he keeps working like that, I’m down.

The women’s match was worth it just for Booker comparing Tamina to Wilt Chamberlain. Kelly needs to stop screaming so much, she comes off as more of a heel bitch rather than a fired-up babyface. But she was fine here taking Tamina down, to be honest it was one of the better Tamina matches you’ve ever seen.

Poor Nattie though. She doesnt get to work in Calgary because she’s supposed to be a monster heel and they cant have her being a gigantic hometown babyface. But I liked her promo, she’s one of the most underutilised talkers in the company.

Zeke vs Khali. Sounds great! Well, no, but it wasnt too bad. Zeke got Chopped to Doom, and the day I stop popping for the Chop of Doom is the day I stop popping for life. Anyway, this was entirely worth it just for the INSANE finish, which was Zeke PICKING KHALI UP AND TORTURE RACKING HIM. Completely crazy to watch.

They played ANOTHER awesome Mark Henry video. They must have a guy there who’s full time job is to create Mark Henry videos. That is a guy earning his pay right there.

And speaking of which, MARK HENRY. THE BADDEST MOTHERF*CKER ALIVE.

Henry vs Sheamus RULED. The third great match on the show. Even better than their PPV match I think. They got a bunch of time and just proceeded to BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF EACH OTHER, again. Henry Military Pressing Sheamus and Sheamus countering with the DDT was AWESOME. Also loved Sheamus KILLING him with knees on the apron. Just some great big man battling. And then they take this brawl outside and Henry goes for his trademark WSS on the table but Brogue Kick! Great tumble over the table. Also laughed at Sheamus throwing the chair on top just so Henry could LAUNCH it up in the air. And Sheamus gets the redemptive countout win. This was a great victory. OFF A COUNTOUT. I love this so much.

And it gets better! Henry is pissed so he goes in for more and they get into this awesome brawl, going back and forth throwing bombs at each other around the ring. Henry took another great bump over the stairs. But he ended up KILLING Sheamus with a WSS on the stairs. That was awesome. Some great asskicking to end a wonderful show.

Cant wait for next week either. Alberto/Cara, Orton/Christian VI and subsequently MARK HENRY: YOUR NEXT WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION. Make it happen, Double Double E.

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