The Redman Report: WWE Super Smackdown 30/8/11: Mark Henry vs The Cage Door III (Henry via Forfeit)

The bad thing about Tuesday Smackdown is that I still dont get to see it until Friday and I’m suddenly days behind the 8 Ball, like I am with Raw. But alas, still psyched for TONIGHT, ON TUESDEE NIGHT SMACK DOWN.

You’ve got to laugh at Cole’s “this has been the most even feud in history!” He did say that. They’ve worked five times, Orton has won every single time, cleanly, except the time he got DQ’d for beating up Christian too much. Completely even, they are. Hilarious stuff.

John Cena! I like him out first since it gives the show an immediate “this is a special show” vibe. I liked the little bit with Ricardo. Him doing the Spanish bit, getting WHAT’d and giving the English translation in response was glorious. I liked that Cena only punched him too, they can use Ricardo for an ass kicking eventually for the right reason if they keep protecting him.

Barrett also did pretty well considering this was a “remember when we feuded?” conversation. I liked when Cena brought it back at the end. Dropped a “bitch” too, there seems to be more and more language allowed in these days. On another note, Booker T needs to stop saying Cena has “limited skills.” Pisses me off. I love you Booker, I really do, but I dont think you’ve been within a mile of a match as good as Cena’s top, well, fifty matches. Limited skills.

Shame that this ended up being a squash though. These guys can really do something together, Cena is one of Barrett’s best opponents so far. But man, is that guy ever spinning his wheels, big time. The rare exception who has failed spectacularly after moving to Smackdown. I’m also pissed I missed out on Smackdown Workrate Cena, which is always good fun. Disappointed.

MARK HENRY! This man never disappoints me. Fine promo. What a man.

Bryan vs Cara II! Bryan vs Cara I was probably the best match of the Cara I run, and this was another good one. Liked Bryan busting out his tope before Cara II went into his dives. Still love his finish. Bryan is losing a hell of a lot though. OHNOHEDIDNT! YOU BIATCH CARA II! Seeing him do something so heelish was crazy. I’m excited, since this HAS TO mean that Mistico is coming back and we get Caras colliding. About freaking time Double Double E.

Kofi and Bourne cut a promo. See, THIS ISNT HARD. Why dont they do this more? Bourne is a TERRIBLE promo, but just have them cut a normal babyface promo about the titles, no long scripts or Acting, and hey look, he wasnt even terrible! Enjoyed the Boom Booming too. These guys are wacky 80s babyfaces and I love them for it. This got me so excited to see them work on Smackdown, which in hindsight was a letdown since…they didnt. Sometime soon they need to have a babyface match with the Usos, that sh*t will RULE.

I LOVE that Aksana goes everywhere accompanied with her sex music. Like that Family Guy episode. I bet she goes, like, shopping and it follows her there too. Anyway, her gimmick is that she cant talk properly so I dont know why the hell she’s announcing.

Anyway, NATBETH! More skirt action too. I love you Beth, but you looked way better in pants. Its times like these where I wish there was more quality control for the announcing, because Alicia Fox came out here with Kelly and I was like “WTF?” for a good minute before I remembered that Nattie turned on her last week. Usually they’re good for a replay or something, but there wasnt one and the announcers didnt even realise. I was stumped for a minute, me, I cant imagine how confused everyone else was. Anyway, this was fine for some NatBeth monstering.

I really liked Hunter and Punk. When it started I had the sh*ts with Punk and I thought he’d have to work really well to not end up as a heel to me by the end of it, and, well, he worked really well. They were both so good and spoke with such conviction that they ended up back in “two babyfaces with wildly different perspectives” territory, where Punk and Cena were, as opposed to either guy coming across  a douche. Hunter is a nice guy who has been goaded into fighting Punk by Punk constantly insulting him and his wife, even after weeks of trying to rise above it. Punk is convinced Hunter is conspiring against him and sees him as the embodiment of the same old McMahon Coporate WWE Regime. I still think Hunter won the argument though, but thats more because he’s been playing it so straight I believe him at this point when he says he’s innocent. Anyway, its still ridiculous this match is happening so soon. I also liked them doing another brawl where Punk sees Hunter let Nash beat him up, but we see Hunter and Nash fighting. So we have more reason to believe Hunter, and Punk gets more evidence for the Conspiracy. Thumbs up.

Sheamus vs Khali was, well, whatever. Not as fun as their first match, for sure. I did like the aftermath though, with Khali KILLING his hand on the post and Jinder getting beat up.

Orton vs Christian VI was AWESOME. Another great match to finally end their feud. Enjoyed Christian IMMEDIATELY running for the door. This was ‘just’ a really good match until Orton went for the powerslam and Christian SAW IT AND STOPPED, making Orton work to get him into the position and BAM. Now its a great match. This sh*t is real. Liked Christian busting out the Frogsplash too. The nearfalls were getting awesome by this point. Loved the Spear-Leapfrog-RKO attempt-Spear sequence, that ruled. And OH MY GOD, Christian teasing the Punt, then going up top for the Sunset Flip and Orton went for the RKO but Christian checked it, then Orton was ready for the real Sunset Flip but Christian knew he would be and climbed out instead, HOLY GOD I LOVE THESE MEN. This sh*t is REAL damn it. Almost my favourite spot of theirs ever. Also liked Orton doing the same ‘throw them into the DDT’ spot he used on Raw. And then the final battle up the top of the cage before the BAMSUPERRKO! A beautiful way to kill this off for good. Such an awesome match. As the ‘cage match we have on TV after our PPV blowoff’, it was perfectly done. And at the same time I’m so relieved I dont have to see them again for a long, long time.

And now Mark Henry! Ahahahaha awww, I was so looking forward to the match with the door, but it laid down (open?) for him. I would too. This is a BAD ASS. Enjoyed him beating up Orton and holding the title, especially if it means he eventually beats up Orton and holds the title. Quite the fun show.