The Redman Report, WWE Smackdown 4/3/11 – “Everybody!”

So, after a lackluster Raw we come to something I can sink my teeth into…Smackdown. Featuring the Return of the Undertaker, Part 749 (thank God, by the way, because I would have been legit pissed had he gone to Raw just like that), but more importantly, the Return of the Contract Signing! Yeah!

To be honest, they should be having more Contract Signings. They’re a useful tool as a different way to promo, they make the match itself seem important, and it sure beats the crap out of just DING and having a tag match and “you’re banned from ringside!” and whatever else they do these days.

They sure are gloating about Vickie. I’ll allow it though, Vickie is such a gigantic heel and getting rid of her is a big deal, so they can celebrate. I do wonder where she’ll turn up. I liked Drew’s run in, just the execution of it, it was so quick and dirty that it came across as spontaneous and not a big set up. And I’ll say again, I love that Drew is getting a mini-main event feud out of being so damn good lately.

That was a fun match. It was short, only 5 minutes or so, but it was a super fun 5 minutes. Drew beating the sh*t out of Edge is something I can get into. And what a God damn SPEAR, it looked great. Finish was weird, breaking your own pin is really a heel move, but I totally enjoyed Edge using his submission, just to show Alberto he can tap him out too.

RICARDO SINGING SCALES. Thats all I got.

Ahahaha I actually fell for this, for a second I thought “Rey in a SUIT?!” like a total mark, before I got it. Anyway, its official. Cody Rhodes is the new GREATEST MAN IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. Dolph is fired, Kofi is nowhere to be found, so its all about the Dashing at the mo’. What an awesome interview this guy is. Another great promo, completely serious and looking menacing whilst still being a total heel crybaby. I just cannot wait for this match. If you must only watch one thing on this show, watch this. And I havent seen the rest of the show yet.

You know, when Kozlov was killing my life in 2008, actually for the duration of Kozlov’s entire career, I cant say that at any point I looked at him and thought “Ricky Morton”. I cant say that I ever imagined in my wildest dreams that he’d carve out an acceptable role – his most acceptable role, certainly – as a babyface in peril. But here we are. Anyway, this was a fine match to get them out of the way, good Santino work and a sensible finish.

AINT NO GRAVE! They’re actually using it! As entrance music! Wahey. It works great, although it felt really weird for him to do his entrance without any BONGs. I think they should add some. Promo was cool, but its pretty much impossible for him to cut a bad one, lets be real.

Aint no grave, people.

Beth! Boy I have missed her lately. STOP FIGHTING! Ahaha, I have to say I scared the crap out of my parents when they were having this important conversation that I interrupted by screaming “STOP IT!” at the damn TV. My heart skipped a beat when she shoved Michelle, but alls well that ends well, and as Josh said, winning cures all. There’s life left in this love yet folks. I mean, there better be, because otherwise there cant be much life left in me.Not enough Kelly on this show either.

Show/Kane was probably the best 25 seconds they’ve ever worked. The Corre angle was wholly predictable after the backstage conversation they had, but man, Kane f*cking DRILLED Gabes with that chair. This guy is taking a beating lately. Anyway, if this leads to a Corre vs GIANT MEN match to get all of the lugs in one place at Mania, it will be fine.

It pains me that I’m never going to get my Kofi/Swagger blow off. They’re still feuding to me dammit. Anyway, Swagger looked great here and I’m glad that they’re at least giving the guy an interesting spot at Mania. Cole DOING THE SWAGGER LAPS was just the greatest thing you ever saw.

They actually clipped a Raw video! Nowai. For weeks now its been full, 10 minute replays of everything important to ever happen on Raw, on all the shows, but by the hour-and-a-half mark of this show they realised, hey, we can just make a VIDEO PACKAGE. In caps, because what a fun video this was too. The final Rock/Cena video they do before Mania, after they confront one another, is going to be on another planet.

AHAHAHAHAHA, Holy Moses, Ricardo was singing the Mexican anthem, and as he was going into the second verse he gave a big “Everybody!” That made my night, that was outstanding.

“Everybody!”

This was all fun over here. I laughed when Teddy asked for a civil contract signing and the crowd went “Noooo!” Edge and Alberto were both really good here. I laughed even more when Teddy GTFO’d before the fight broke out, that was hilarious. And the fight was great, it moved into exactly the right place and as soon as he got the chair I was like “ohh, Christian bitches!” And he set it up and set it up and finally CHRISTIAN BITCHES. Just some perfect storytelling work there, and totally, totally fun.

I have to say, if there’s one thing missing on my show right now its workrate, they’ve dropped the ball on the classic matches front, and the show is noticeably missing Kofi, Dolph and Vickie. But nevertheless this was quite a fun show, and the main stuff for Mania – Edge/Alberto/Christian and Rey/Cody – are rollicking along very nicely indeed. Enjoy’d.

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