The Redman Report: WWE Smackdown 29/11/11: Merry Christmas!

I’m usually first on the scene when it comes to Smackdown. With these live shows I am so behind the times. Unlike WWE who celebrate Christmas a whole month early. Enjoy.

Its funny, I’m actually in the middle of re-reading Foley’s books, so I absolutely loved that the kayfabe reason for such an early ‘Christmas’ special is that Foley is obsessed with Christmas and doesnt care what the date is. This entire segment was really a whole bunch of ‘Foley amuses himself on live TV’, but I didnt hate it for that. The costume stuff was harmless, and I popped for Josh’s deadpan “You look ridiculous.” Shades of R-Truth! I like Cody getting the big heel spot here, it might just be the mixing but he seemed to get some good heat here. I also thought Booker was great, being defiant but when Foley actually puts him in the match he looks worried. As he should, as an older ex-pro facing the IC Champ. I liked that.

A Divas Pole Match. Between that and Mick Foley, I’ve woken up in 2008 here on Smackdown. Hey, if it means I get Cherry, Shelton the World’s Best TV Worker and Victoria, my wife, back, I aint hatin’. Smackdown was straight-up awesome in 2008, even with Foley announcing and Edge on top. ANYWHO, this was a whole bunch of nothing, which is why I’m rambling about other things, but I love the continuation of the Bellas being soulless bitches to each other and accepting it as who they are. And now they can double-team Alberto!

Jinder sucks. Gabes deserves better. The Ted thing is, like, something they’d do on Tribute to the Troops or something. This show is descending in farce at this point.

And dont get me wrong, that is a good thing, yes a good thing, because we’re having a Smackdown Backstage Party! Liked Foley and the Usos. Popped for Dusty and GOLDUST. They can rehash the “I raised some weird kids” spot every single year forever as far as I’m concerned, it will ALWAYS work. And Otunga shutting down the party for using non-licensed music was outstanding. Otunga, in his current role, is a perfect fit.

Booker! Cody! That was good. I’ve grown to love Booker so much this year through his commentary that I’m actually excited about this a little, even though I’ve never been excited to see Booker T wrestle in my life.

Kofi steals Cole’s reindeer head and uses it for the CROSSBODY to win. A FARCE, I say. A wonderful, wonderful farce. If you cant enjoy these kind of episodes of pro wrestling I dont know what you can enjoy.

Has Kaitlyn turned heel yet? Because I have no idea but she just used her NXT bullying skills on Hornswoggle. God, her NXT schtick sucked so I hope she doesnt go back there, although in some way it would probably work as a heel gimmick since its so bad. I enjoyed Sheamus selling Aksana’s music, but Aksana sucked.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY FREAKING GOD, ORTON VS OTUNGA!

I use the word “fun” an awful lot as a way to describe something being good, but I have to say, I cant remember the last time I had that much fun, pure FUN, watching a wrestling match. This was awesome entertainment, I LOVED this.

I loved how Orton came out as the same super serious Orton, but he starts brawling with David f*cking Otunga, of all people, surrounded by Christmas trees, of all things, and he goes “F*ck it, you want a Happy Babyface? You got a Happy Babyface!” And just goes nuts using all of the decorations to have the wackiest Street Fight of all time. Throwing him through any Christmas tree in sight. The “Ho Ho Ho!”, wreath-assisted toss. And when Otunga fled up the ramp and Orton tossed a Christmas present box and NAILED HIM, and then started laughing at how great a Christmas present box tosser he was, I LOST IT. This sh*t was so awesome. Otunga stepping on the box on the way back ruled too. Then we get Barrett and the tease that DAVID OTUNGA IS GOING TO PIN RANDY ORTON, before the finish, just insanely wacky fun.

Otunga, I have to say, was great at taking this ridiculous ass kicking, and like I said he’s really found a role as this guy. This shouldnt be an excuse to have him wrestle more, this should be an excuse to keep him exactly where he is: a non-wrestling character who participates in backstage segments, who can be put in a match every so often to be squashed by a babyface for fun. Basically he’s a sort of ab-tastic Coach, without any of his talent.

Orton has done some things this year, but this has to be up there with the most unlikely pieces of work you could imagine. Of course I’m not up to the main event yet, but at this point I’m not convinced that this match hasnt put Orton across the finish line for me.

Pro wrestling. I love it.

Now its the…well, its the Sheamus and a Bunch o’ Geeks Battle Royal. Smackdown needs some roster depth, thats for sure. Anyway this was fine, and since he’s not really done anything of note since the Royal Rumble, I didnt hate that this was a Hornswoggle show. You saw the finish coming a mile away and I still enjoyed how they got there. You also saw a mile away that this was an excuse to do the Sheamus Fake Anger spot, and this was all fine. Farcical, but fine.

“Dream! Dream I can talk!”

Beats the sh*t out of how they ended Umaga’s silence, at any rate. I actually enjoyed this a whole lot, this was some payoff to years of a gimmick and since he’s hardly featured anymore there’s no harm in it either. Also the spot where Dusty and Piper threw their egg nog away was tops.

The pre-match stuff with both Bryan and Henry was good. I was sort of taken out of it a little by doing this at the end of such a preposterous show, but whatever. Main event time.

And it delivered once again. A really great little match this was. Henry was wounded but he could still toss a guy like Bryan around at will, but when Bryan finally got to the ankle he smashed it and it was great. The LeBell Lock barely locking on, into Henry’s Strength reversal only for Bryan to pick the ankle and Ankle Lock, that RULED. Also liked Bryan’s INSANE bumps off the Lariat, both in the ring and the Nigel top rope bump. Finish ruled. Bryan almost escaping, twice, was great. Bryan’s giant Frankensteiner of Total Failure was great. Then finally the injured Henry has to risk it all to put this guy away, and SUPER WORLD’S STRONGEST SLAM! That looked like it SUCKED for Henry, how insane, and that was a super finish. I sincerely hope they dont go down the heel turn road, I want them to really try and bring this back at WM (even with Orton added) for Bryan to get babyface underdog redemption in the end. Anyway, great stuff, cant wait for Henry/Show III, and that was an absurdly fun show.