The Redman Report: WWE Raw 19/12/11: Raw is The Internet

Sometimes they do make us happy, don’t they? CM Punk, WWE Champ. Daniel Bryan, World Champ. Zack Ryder, US Champ. Destination, Philly. Lets get this geek party started!

I actually only just realised now that we have the Punk & Bryan as world champs fallout in Philly. Wow, talk about timing.

Punk’s wacky opening was great. This whole entire segment was pretty surreal. I’ve calmed down quite a bit since the PPV so I can now appreciate Daniel Bryan: World Heavyweight Champion a whole lot more. This was just so…cool, you know? Its nice to have moments like these where we can just celebrate our heroes in triumph, without any extraneous bullsh*t. Well, Cole aside. But no matter what usually goes on, no matter how they end up, we will always have a moment like this. CM Punk and Bryan Danielson, the two world champs in WWE. Its happening.

I also loved the way they did the action here too. Faces keep the heels out of the ring before Zack hastily sees the chance to tope someone and takes it, only to get pummeled by the other two guys to spark the brawl. Really smartly worked, reminded me of the Nexus/Legends game of chess from last year.

Orton vs Barrett was another fun match of theirs. It only just hit me now that they had those WWE Title matches this time last year which werent anything (although they were also secondary to the Cena angle), and now here they are having really good matches 12 months later. Really speaks to how much better both guys are now. I flipped out for the DDT-Wasteland-Backbreaker-DDT sequence, that ruled. Finish was weird but I like the callback to their SD match that Barrett won after the eye poke. Eye poke continuity makes the wrestling world go round. Table Wasteland was cool, for some reason the slower impact he took somehow made it look more painful. No problem with these guys continuing to feud.

I’d probably get more excited for Alicia/Beth if it wasnt on Raw. They are parodying themselves at this point: a 45 second match and a sh*t finish. Drives me up the wall. Poor Beth got drilled by the leg drop too. Alicia, I aint hatin’, but you’re botchy enough without doing low-percentage moves like that leg drop. Also, her entire demeanor and promo work here was quite unlikeable. I mean, I have a high threshold for these women, I like Kelly well enough, but her OTT dancing around and stupid voice really irked me for some reason. It was so unnatural, I think. Anyway, whatever. There’s no room for women’s success on Raw.

Jinder. On Raw. You cant be serious. Glad Sheamus continued his Fighting Spirit no-selling routine, I enjoy that. But otherwise, well…Jinder sucks. He’s terrible.

Its so strange, but in a good way, for Cena to be in what seems to be such a low-profile position. Its still the top of the hour, but it feels so far from the title picture and everything else going on. He could certainly do with it, in any case. Aww, Mark Henry. I’d stopped worrying about it so far, but hearing his music hit and knowing it was all over made me ridiculously sad. You have no idea how invested I was in his title reign. I NEVER wanted it to end. Now I’m just hoping against hope that he gets another go.

Anywho, Kane! This was actually great. The Henry tease, Cena going on the attack and Kane NO SELLING like its 1998. Kane smothering Cena was actually kind of…distressing. Really, one half of my brain was saying “Please let him breathe..” It looked badass so full marks for that. Not sure on the t-shirt angle, although I expect something along the lines of Kane taking offense to Rising Above Hate when one should embrace Hate. I enjoy this angle.

I love that the Usos got the chance to do the Haka on Raw, I dont remember them doing that yet. Anyway, another fun sprint between these two. Epico didnt nail the Backcracker but whatever, good finish. Hopefully we get more Smackdown tag title matches.

I liked Santino’s Cobra in a Box. The day I stop enjoying Santino, please step in and shoot me. Cody selling the Cobra and then getting mad that he sold it was great. Match was exactly what you’d expect, but I liked winning with the Alabama Slam for something different.

The Bellas kissing Ace backstage is a little too meta for my liking. But I suspect I have a much more acute sense of the inappropriate than the people of WWE.

The Zack’s Dad interview rocked. That was such a great little touch to make Zack’s win seem even bigger. Plus Zack’s Dad rules.

AHHHHHHHHH I LOVE THE BIG SHOW!

He was SO GREAT HERE. He’s always such a great talker and here he straight up bossed it. He was so awesome as the guy who worked 9 years for another world title, finally got sh*t done, and within a minute Bryan with his stupid little briefcase trashed it and took it away from him. The guy who inadvertently screwed himself by convincing Bryan of the merits of cashing in early in the first place. The guy who’s soul has just been DESTROYED by this happening, but he’s still trying to be a nice guy, trying to grin and bear it, trying to be rational and accept that this is what MITB does. But his soul is destroyed and he’s on the verge of tears trying to contain his emotion. Argh.

I love, love, LOVE the Big Show. I cannot freaking WAIT for Smackdown.

The babyfaces coming down through the crowd to continue the ‘heroes of the people have come good’ theme was an awesome touch. Of course, I’d have enjoyed this entire entrance (match, show, year…) if Cole wasnt shouting his bullsh*t over the top. Its impossible to fully enjoy anything anymore. F*ck Cole.

The main event was really fun. I always enjoy a good 6-man and there arent nearly enough of them on Raw anymore. It didnt have anything to it other than having a match and the faces win in the end, but it didnt need to. Simple works. Enjoyed Bryan’s feint into the Zack/Punk combo dives. That is some babyface work right there. Also Bryan’s surfboard stomp, as usual, and wow, Punk threw the best elbow he’s ever thrown here. Of all the nights. Finish was more fun and so glad Bryan won. This is ‘putting a smile on your face’ pro wrestling.

This whole entire show, like I said, it was largely a self-contained show and was simple as all get out. And it was FANTASTIC. Sometimes you need to have a show that is just…good, a show that ends after two hours with a happy resolution, a show that is all about having fun and seeing some babyfaces win and celebrate. Wrestling on the positive tip. We need more of it.