The Redman Report: WWE Smackdown 18/11/11: NO FACIAL HAIR.

In the race to the finish line of 2011, Mark Henry pulls slightly ahead. Henry/Show/Bryan people, get into it.

And WOAH we start big as we quickly cut backstage to MARK HENRY BEATING THE SH*T OUT OF DANIEL BRYAN. Best start to a show ever. Henry beats him backstage, drags him out to the ring, Bryan gets his hope shots in but Henry WASTES him completely. Then he cuts a promo about how there’s gonna be more pain for the Big Show since he obviously hasnt had enough, and that Show will be carried out of Survivor Series.

BEST START TO A SHOW EVER.

Henry is just immense, and this Bryan feud SO has to go somewhere because every time they work together its money. Henry beats the sh*t out of him every time, but every time Bryan gets these little hope spots and the crowd goes NUTS when he does. I know I’m still dreaming at this point, but seriously, if this ends with Bryan finally cashing in and actually slaying the beast, I will lay down and die.

Plus, opening with something so different and chaotic is great too. Total thumbs up.

Dolph vs Cara sounded good on paper and was even better in practice. Another short but fun Cara TV match. Dolph looked ridiculously good on offense and obviously him bumping around for Cara was great. Using the tights is also a criminally underused heel finish. Enjoyed.

Also enjoyed the wheelbarrow-assisted Fame Asser that Swags and Dolph used. If they were ever a proper tag team (lololol) that would be a sweet double team move. Enjoyed Swagger vs Mason Ryan less, I have to say. Mason sucks and there’s just no getting around that.

If I was Rihanna Fox I’d want to get with Gabes too. He’s dreamy. ANYWHO, I really loved this – Show arrives late and he’s acting all Jolly Show like normal because he doesnt know, the jobbers go quiet and explain to him what Henry did, and Show becomes Serious Show and goes looking for him. This feud is so excellent.

Aksana, less so. Although I enjoyed Teddy referencing his first heart attack, the finish to one of the best non-wrestling segments ever in WWE history: his wedding.

OK, I’m not huge on heel Christian but I loved this promo. I liked them linking his on-screen and off-screen injuries and still keeping him involved on TV. His ranting and raving was great, “I’m a man, not a piece of meat” and all that.

More Show! He finds Bryan in the trainers room selling, and goes from Serious Show to Angry Show. I love this angle!

Bateman and Maxine on SD! I have to admit, I dont really care about Bateman as a heel but Maxine is great, she should be on TV. This was another fun 3-minute Teddy squash. I can only hope that this ends with Ted…doing something.

More goodness as Show searches Henry’s locker room, runs into Jinder and Tyson, Jinder is a cock to him and gets KO’d, Tyson decides to slowly slink away. Fun times.

Then his promo was great, actually spelling it out that if he goes into SS angry he’d get DQ’d, when instead he wants to win the match and win the title. Referencing the initial MITB Pillmanising is another great touch, as Show reinforcing his primary motivation to take Henry’s title as revenge. Details make me mark. And the final bit with him boxing the camera and going crazy was some great intensity. I am so sold. Show has been on fire, Henry is the Greatest Man in the Universe, and it is THIS match that compels me to spend money on this PPV. Awesome work.

Kofi vs Hunico was actually a hell of a little match. Kofi on Smackdown is a long-lost dream to me and I always love seeing him, Hunico is so much better as a heel, there were cool spots and the finish of Hunico arguing with the ref and costing himself the match was good. Enjoyed.

Divas tag was pretty fun – Kaitlyn is big enough that she looks credible locking up with the Boobs, even if she visibly doesnt know what she’s doing. AJ’s hot tag was fun and the JESUS F*CKING CHRIST BRIDGING SHARPSHOOTER WAS SICK. Argh. Shades of Melina, and I never, ever, EVER get used to seeing these girls tied up in knots. Argh.

Oh for God sakes, they cant possibly break up Kaitlyn and AJ. They’ve had like three matches on TV! Honestly.

Oh yes people, Orton has no beard! Amazing. Main event was a fun tag. I liked the first hot tag before the break, and then the real one with Sheamus. Liked the PM with Sheamus taking the crutch back and breaking it over Barrett. Plus, babyface save, the heels should be winning, which is the right result at least. Really looking forward to the SD side of Survivor Series.