The Redman Report: WWE Raw 7/11/11: “Dont make me take off my jacket!”

A bit of Woo Woo Wooing, and a trip to (most of) your hometown of Ye Olde Merrye Englande. What more could you ask for?

The opening was a fine segment highlighted by Miz botching nearly every line he delivered. He’s always been one for a stumble, the ol’ Miz, but this was superlative. Also, I should really say, highlighted by Zack Ryder running in! I love his continued Cena friendship and the idea of giving him a main event. Hopefully he makes it this time, but I worry.

Apparently Liverpool is the home of the Beatles. Just letting you know.

Anywhosies, Dolph vs Morrison! What a cool ass match that turned out to be. I went in expecting a shortish semi-squash, and it turned out to be a 15 minute workrate match. Great work with a bunch of cool spots. Loved the middle where it broke down into Dolph beating this f*cker before Morrison returned with some babyface FIRE! Marked for the retro tornado DDT. And enjoyed immensely the final stretch with the rollups and the fun babyface victory. Thoroughly enjoyed.

Mason Ryan, man, this guy just sucks. Has no idea how to use his size or have an entertaining squash. Bugger off.

I also love Zack’s backstage relationship with the Bellas.The beatdown tease was so strong here I was SURE this meant he’d be taken out somewhere else in the next hour.

You know, Cole is…Cole, and I hate that f*cker, but I have to admit I laughed at “Raw isnt going to get Rocked, its going to get Coled!”

Thats it though. Go away.

Alberto vs Kofi was a super fun 3 minute sprint and a nice addition to their growing collection of Raw nothing matches. I loved Kofi diving outside and SPLATTING. Shades of Alberto. Finish was nasty too, I like it.

So, Punk. I actually enjoyed most of this entire thing. Punk justifying last week’s ABing by pointing out that Alberto had done nothing but cheapshot him this whole time. And Punk being so ridiculously over in the building made the entire segment ten times as fun. But man oh man, f*ck the hell off with the lame ass “shoot” bleating about ratingz and channel changing and the WWE Champion of the World being boring. Just go home. Bleh.

On the plus side, their brawl with the MMAish transition from the armbar to the Anaconda Vice was cool as hell. We need more shoot-style brawling on WWE TV. Shades of 2007.

If you couldnt laugh at the Kermit “or your mother” joke you have no soul. Muppets ruled.

Swagger vs Santino was, well, whatever.

Kelly Kelly! I feel better already. I love them doing the magazine cover deal, they havent had a chance in years and it gives them something different to do. You have to laugh, the way her sentence was structured it was like she was saying “Well, I’m a former Divas Champion…AND THE NEW MAXIM COVERGIRL!” Anyway, I’m not convinced that turning the Boobs into LayCool was really the best exit to take, but damn, I still laughed at Ken and Skipper. The first time, that is. I cant recognise Eve’s music anymore and that isnt a good thing. I’m not sure where this 3 vs 2 thing is leading exactly but anyway, this was fine.

I dont think its possible for me to care any less about Kevin Nash. This was easily his best promo work since returning. By a significant margin, but at the same time that still isnt saying much, since he was still tripping over his words in true “great mic worker” style. This was quite the show for promo botches. This was all a bunch of nothing but I did like the line about 1995, “I should have buried you then!” and he did at least come off as an asshole.

I was about to say that I was disappointed there was no Brodus Clay, and then Mr. John Laurinaitis and Mr. David Otunga, esq. explained his absence in a satisfactorily heelish fashion. Liked the Punk bit, with Punk’s “regular or unleaded, BAM” cheese, Alberto FLYING in and killing him, and Ace’s HILARIOUS efforts at admonishing him: “Dont make me take off my jacket!”

Zack makes it to the main event!

This was a HELL of a main event, actually. Just a great, long tag match with heels bein’ heels and some awesome, over babyfaces. THIS is what tag team wrestling is supposed to be. This is what a TV main event is supposed to be, some to think of it. Cena really excels in this environment (we didnt imagine that Bourne tag last year) and was being his absolute best wacky, happy babyface tag team partner. Zack shined really well here. Doing this for a smarky crowd like the UK that LOVED him was inspired, the heat was electric, and Zack himself took his chance and delivered.

Totally loved the tandem Face Washes and later the tandem Five Knuckle Shuffles. Stuff like that is just awesome, I eat it up. Miz and Truth worked really well as the heel team just putting the boots to guys and cutting them off. Trurh also DIED taking that brutal flat bump on the floor early. Both Zack and Cena were great babyfaces in peril at various times, and, of course, John Cena is the undisputed World Champion of Working the Apron. The part where he and Zack were reaching out and Cena is screaming “Five feet! Its only five feet!” was some of the most immense babyface work I’ve seen in forever. Finish was strange, but effective as a momentum-killer and as the dastardly win that Awesome Truth needed. Really fun tag match.

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