Once more into the breach we go and after last weeks frankly dismal showing I live in hope this week that TNA will pull their thumb out and start booking things properly. With the WWE absolutely ruling the roost with the MITB PPV event last weekend TNA are going to be forced to recognised that good booking will always save a company not just relying on big names or for Vince Russo to suddenly learn what wrestling fans like.
We recap last week’s clown on immortal action and Sting winning the title from Anderson.
Show starts with Sting coming to the ring declaring he’s got something that Immortal wants but that Immortal has something he wants. Sting says they won’t do it the easy or hard way but Sting’s way. Sting goes on about how he’s insane. Sting asks out Hogan and Bischoff but instead Angle comes out dressed as the clown from last week.
Kurt reminds Sting that he came to Sting’s aid last week because it was the right thing to do. Angle says that he’s the number one contender and at hardcore justice they’ll cross paths. Sting says he respects Angle and what he does. Angle then says that they are both legends in the business. Now excuse me Mr Angle you aren’t a legend by any stretch yet despite clearly what your ego is telling you. Even Sting looks slightly perplexed by that. Anyway Angle says he’s got no choice but to walk out as champ at hardcore justice.
The love in is interrupted by Immortals music and out come Bully Ray and Anderson. Bully says it’s a tag match Sting/Angle V Bully/Anderson tonight. Anderson says that Sting didn’t beat him except for the interference of his butt buddy Angle. Brilliantly in the second or so of silence someone in the crowd shouts “But buddy!!” really loudly. Ken says that if Sting thinks that after a year of trying to get to the top this is over he’s mistaken.
What a bullshit opening segment. The stupidness of putting the two top faces in an angle together is bad enough, that they dropped the title off probably their hottest heel guy at the moment to do so is just into the realms off…. well end days of WCW oblivion really. Individually each guy is fine and I have no issues with them which makes the choice even more frustrating.
If you haven’t brought your kit you’ll have to do it in your pants
BFG series recap and the table stands at:
Matt Morgan 14
AJ Styles 14
James Storm 14
Rob Van Dam 14
Bully Ray 14
Scott Steiner 7
D’Angelo Dinero 0
Bobby Roode 0
Samoa Joe 0
And the next match is part of the series:
Scott Steiner V RVD: I love that as Steiner gets in the ring the idiot women they get to sit at the front are half booing and half cheering him. Steiner jumps Van Dam as soon as he gets in the ring and takes RVD down with a big elbow. Scott hits th4e overhead belly to belly for a 2 count. Steiner hooks up RVD in a tree of woe and stands on his neck. RVD fights back with a sort of bent leg superkick. Van Dam to the top rope and hits his single leg kick to knock Steiner to the outside. My god the fattest guy I’ve ever seen not bedridden is in the front row. Lol, Steiner calls for a time out. Steiner fights back with a rolling belly to belly for two but RVD comes out of the corner with a spinning kick and rolling thunder onto Steiner’s head for two. Rolling Thunder always ends up botched because of the small ring in TNA which is a shame because it’s one of those moves that’s generally a pleasure to see. Steiner hits a kick to the gut and places RVD on top rope and hits a hanging Complete Shot but RVD puts his boot on the rope for only 2. Steiner does his elbow drop spot but then argues with the ref and RVD rolls him up for the 3 count.
Mickie James is here looking like a short Cheryl Cole.
James comes out to her awful entrance music. I don’t know why her holding her title through the lop annoys me so much but it does. Mickie calls out Velvet who comes to the ring and does that skanky rope wiggle she does. Mickie says she’s been watching Velvet and seeing people pick on her. Mickie says she’s privileged to give her her first title shot because she deserves it. (Who really believes that?). Mickie apparently says somehow she’s going to have a great match with Velvet to show everyone this is the best women’s division. Out comes Winter and Angelina, Angelina at least has her name on Winter’s tron now although yet again whoever is doing the music cues decides that his job is much more important than hearing what a wrestler says. Love says that by the looks of things Mickie and Velvet need to get a hotel room. Apparently Love gets what Winter has been trying to tell her. She says she’s realised that all the knockouts disrespect her. She doesn’t care who wins as the title will eventually go back to her anyway. Here comes Winter and she calls Velvet a blow up doll (scarily accurate) and Mickie a Mouse (universal studios can’t be too happy with that!). Winter apparently has a shot at Hardcore Justice. All through this all you can hear is Velvet squealing in the background.
Tara and Tessmacher (that’s got to be the best part of that team really. Poor Tara) are walking backstage and get attacked by the Mexican American girls. They have a match tonight apparently. This is the worst brawl I’ve ever seen. Maddison jumps Tara and then the refs jump in to split it up.
It’s going to be Joe V Style V Morgan V Gunner tonight in a BFG series match. Interesting, be good to see how Morgan and Gunner match up against two of TNA’s best performers.
We get clips from each of the guys, all the stuff you’d expect really so no need to repeat it. Do look out for how Morgan pronounces the word womb though. Oh appears like this is a ladder match and the winner gets ten points. Whatever.
Oh god, more phone footage? Ah, we’re covering Sarita’s facial injury by saying it happened in this fight. Shame really as it also telegraphs the finish. Would have been funnier if MA had turned on her saying “it’s Mexican AMERICA not Mexican CANDA!”
Tara/Tessmacher V Mexican America – Knockouts Tag Titles : Tara and Tessmacher hide behind some lights and attack Sarita and Rosita as they come on stage which was novel. Bit odd for the faces but anyway, they reach the ring and the match gets underway. The Mexicans take out Tara but Tessmacher comes back with a double clothesline… as we cut to the Spanish announce table now? Really? F*ck sake…. Tessmacher doesn’t stay on top too long though and M.A work on her for a bit. Oh dear, Tessmacher falls over because Rosita touched her hair lightly. Sarita keeps Tara on the floor as Rosita works on Tessmacher. Tara comes in to attack Sarita but Furious Earl puts her back in the corner. World’s worst flapjack ever stuns even Taz for a second. Tara comes in and levels the two opponents with one shot each and literally throws Tessmacher back into her corner for the tag. I’ve heard of people dragging someone to a good match but that’s taking the piss. Tara cleans house and puts the Widows Peak on Sarita but Maddison knocks her over whilst Hebner is distracted. Tara kicks out of a pin attempt and M.A try to whip Tessmacher into Tara but Tara dodges, Tessmacher hits a bulldog on Sarita as Tara side slams Rosita. Sit out Chokeslam from Tara on Rosita as… Tessmacher rolls up Rosita? I don’t even…. F*ck it, new Knockout tag team champs. What a clusterf*ck that was.
They really have a clipboard hung above the ring? TNA really know how to make themselves look small time. At least it’s not on a pole.
AJ Styles V Samoa Joe V Matt Morgan V Gunner (Ladder Match) : Gunner and AJ roll to the outside as Joe and Morgan go at it in the ring. Gunner takes control on the outside and seems like Morgan on top in ring, mybe. It’s hard to tell with the spastic camera angles they are choosing. Morgan takes all the others down and Matt brings in the ladder first but AJ jumps over the ropes to snap the ladder out of his hands and then flips out of a chokeslam and hits a spin kick. Gunner in to take out Styles and then he uses the ladder on Joe and Morgan but AJ immediately comes back and goes for the ladder only to be stopped by Morgan. Morgan hits the fallaway slam on AJ but Joe comes back to stop him. Gunner whips Joe who suicides through the ropes to Morgan on the outside. Gunner sets up the ladder inside but AJH leaps onto the ladder from the ropes and hits him off the ladder. Joe hits the ladder over but AJ hits the Pele kick on him but Joe fights back with the one arm urange slam but Gunner then takes him out only for Morgan to hit the Carbon Footprint on Gunner and then climbs the ladder for the win. A 5 minutes ladder match is pointless in my book especially if there was really only one attempt to get the prize and that was the finish.
Eric Young is on the road to Hollywood. He calls out various Hollywood actors before stepping into a shop to get some supplies. He spots someone he thinks is C-lo green and says he’s his first opponent. It’s actually D-lo brown who,let’s just say he’s a little on the round side now. D-lo tries to explain he’s not C-lo and he knows this is Eric’s gimmick. That’s twice now TNA have decided to shove it in our faces that Young is a gimmick, really annoying. They don’t say Sting’s insanity is a gimmick despite Eric being 1000 times more convincing as a mental case. Eric rolls up D-lo and then runs off. For some reason D-lo is all pissed off. I do like Eric Young.
I see you riding round town with the girl I love and I’m like Botched Powerbomb for you
Alex Shelley V Brian Kendrick – X Divison Title: We recap both guys matches at Destination X and that this is for the X Division title. Couple of roll ups from Shelley before Kendirck hits a kick and goes for his finisher but is countered by Shelley who goes for it himself but that too is countered.Shelley locks in a surfboard Indian death-lock but Kendrick counters into a pin. Alex goes to the top a hits a crossbody for 2 and tries two more pin attempts. Shelley goes up top again but this time Kendrick catches him with a drop kick. Kendrick hits another flying kick and knocks Shelley to the outside and then follows up with a suicide dive. Brian goes for a splash but catches knees. Shelley gets Kendrick on the apron and hits something lick a sliced bread but landing Kendrick on the apron and Shelley on his feet on the floor. Aries from out of nowhere hits Shelley with the belt and Kendrick gets the win. Aries hides outside the ring with Kendrick looking all confused.
Backstage and Kendrick says he didn’t realise that’s what happened doing his best rainman impression.
Mexican America come out to the ring and Anarquia berates the audience and how Tara and Tessmacher won the belts. Anarquia says he doesn’t care about the British Invasion and calls out Beer Money. Storm tells them to shut up and to leave the ring, the company and go cut some grass. Um, racist much? Apparently Beer Money feel the need to reintroduce themselves. Storm says Beer Money are going to kick Mexican Americas asses at Hardcore Justice. Yawn.
Mickie James V Velvet Sky: Winter and Love attack James before James gets in the ring but Velvet comes down and makes the save. As the two faces beat up the two heels ODB and Jackie slide in and beat up Mickie and then beat down Velvet. Traci Brooks now runs in which ends the initial attack. Brooks looks like Skeletor with fake tits. There’s another f*cking awful brawl and someone in TNA really needs to teach Velvet Sky that she can’t just run around not selling anything in situations like this because it’s truly unforgivable even for something as bad as this would have been anyway. Cops come in to arrest ODB and Jackie as security fail to get rid of them. I wonder if the actual match would have been as bad as this? It shouldn’t be possible but I get the feeling it could be.
Backstage and Velvet is with Traci Brooks. Traci is asked why she’s back and she says as long as ODB and Jackie are then she is. Velvet keeps trying to talk in this segment despite the fact clearly it has sod all to do with her.
Bully Ray & Mr Anderson V Sting & Angle: Bully and Anderson have a little spat about Anderson doing his entrance before the match starts. Sting looks like he’s in his out of ring gear rather than his usual tights. Bully and Anderson work on Sting to start off with lots of quick tags. Anderson works on Sting’s leg for a bit but that seems to be forgotten as Bully sets up for a splash but misses and Angle is tagged in as is Anderson. Angle hits the triple German’s on Anderson and then Sting hits the Stinger Splash and Angle the Angle slam for the victory. We do the handshake pulled into a stare to end the show. We’re ending a show with a 3 minute or so match? How can a taped f*cking program overrun that badly? It makes no sense!
Actually all this week made no sense. Why did Winter and Angelina just leave when ODB and Jackie turned up? Even with Traci Brooks on side they still had a 1 person advantage. Why did we waste the first 10 minutes of the show on Angle and Sting jerking each other off? Other than the fact that given the match at Hardcore Justice means absolutely nothing I guess they have to shove it down our throats. Why are the new face Knockout tag team champs sneak attacking the heel title holders? Why the hell did they give Sarita one of Orlando Jordan’s old spangly thongs to wear as a mask? Why are we suddenly now shifting back to Beer Money and the tag titles when clearly The British Invasion and Mexican America should have gone at least until Hardcore Justice and then allowed that team to really challenge for the tag titles as the run into the end of the BFG series is the best time for Beer Money to drop the belt?
It’s all so unnecessarily stupid. It;s all things that if someone was sitting there are actually looking at the time-lines involved could all be avoided. How can it consistently be allowed to happen that natural talent is wasted on poor planning and poorly thought out angles? If the WWE can bring in soap opera writers and be better than what TNA have then why can’t TNA realise that Vince Russo is never going to sort out their problems? Lee Chapman played for loads of big clubs but it doesn’t make him any good.