The Redman Report: WWE Smackdown 1/7/11: “MY HEART DONT PUMP KOOL AID!”

After all of the excitement about CM Punk this week, I hope that none of you have forgotten about the baddest man to have ever lived on the planet Earth: Mark Henry. And guess what? He’s on FRIDEE NIGHT SMACK DOWN.

I absolutely LOVE the “Tonight, on Friday Night Smackdown…this is happening!” intros. I say that every time they do them, but I so love them. Plus, Mark Henry!

Huh, I like how they used the fact that Henry pinned Orton last week, not Christian, in the story, so he STILL doesnt get a pass after riding Henry’s coattails.

Speaking of which, MARK HENRY. This was honestly quite a fun 5 minute match, especially by Orton standards. “You the champ?! I’M THE CHAMP!” Damn right. And a Distracting Music Distraction finish, I like it. Miles better than being RKO’d in 5 minutes, which is what I was fearing.

WOAH MARK HENRY MOTHERF*CKERS! Ahahaha, crazy. He loses through a Distracting Music Distraction, so he goes right up to the sound guy to ask him why he played the wrong f*cking music. Awesome. Henry just destroying EVERYTHING like its nothing was great, this guy is so badass. And TOSSING that guy into oblivion was hilarious. This guy just lost by a lame music countout in 5 minutes, and he leaves as a bigger badass than ever. I love Mark Henry.

And we’re back from the break, and we dont have entrance music! Things arent magically fixed in Smackdown land, we use logic instead. I loved the no music but, it really made the angle sink in.

Anyway, Bryan vs Ted was another pretty great match. Ted is probably the greatest ‘base with absolutely no personality’ they have at this point, he’s physically getting really good. Bryan’s barricade bump and subsequent shoulder sell was cool, as was the counter to the Shinsuke lariat into the finish. A guillotine! Having a different move as a finish is a cool thing, and its fits Bryan really well. Great stuff.

As soon as Christian came back I knew he was the one who played the music. What a dastardly villian.

The Runjin interview was…mildly interesting, actually. It was only now that I remembered the “what does Jinder have over Khali?” mystery. Its good to give the Jinder/Khali team a more sinister undertone.

Christian vs Cara was pretty good, they got lots of time, and to me this was the first match that Cara has had that feels like an actual ‘proper’ star vs star match, rather than just a Sin Cara showcase match, if that makes sense. Some cool spots in there, along with Christian getting his own spots in too, like I said. Finish pissed me the hell off though, what the f*ck are you doing beating Sin Cara here now?! F*ckers. He’s probably the most effective babyface to beat to give Christian some edge back after losing and being cut down so much, but no no no, they had so far to go with SC before you start beating him. Shame.

Zeke vs Cody was fine, but I can totally get into Cody Rhodes, IC Champion.

Curtis sucks.

I was cooking rather than paying attention to Barrett/Kane, but I did see enough to see Kane’s CROSSBODY, which was hilariously wacky. Barrett losing is a good sign that he could win MITB. I sure hope so.

Contract Signing was fun enough. I just find Christian so wacky sitting there saying “I can beat you, you cant beat me” when they’ve worked 3 times and Orton has pinned him cleanly every time. I loved the little touch of the pen not working for Christian which left the contract unsigned while SHEAMUS BITCHES! Ignoring the fact that a PUNT now means two weeks out, that was fun and they desperately needed a body back anyway. I’m legit interested in what they do next week with the title match after all that.

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