The Redman Report: WWE Smackdown 20/5/11: DANCING RANDALL

You have to watch this show. I don’t care what you think of Smackdown or its roster, you need to watch this show. You need to see Randy Orton dancing. Plus, you know…its Smackdown, and Smackdown is better than you, so watch it.

Christian vs Sheamus actually got a lot of time before the DQ, and it was a hell of a match. Christian was at his best on the creative offense stakes, so much to love. Loved the way Christian flipped out, but slipped and fell into IRISH CURSE! Looked so good. Just a really good match. And then afterwards we get MARK HENRY and Orton maybe, possibly, bein’ a douche. At least they’re making it so either Orton or Christian could turn heel. Or neither. So, fine stuff.

The Bellas on Smackdown! I literally don’t think they’ve been on since they won the title. I do enjoy the Bellas gimmick of being bitches to each other but they don’t care because they’re sisters.

“You whore, you left me there to die, I hate you.”
“You would have left me there too.”
“True, fair enough.”
“Love you!”
“Love you too!”

I’m paraphrasing, but there you go. Plus, women, in a PPV match! Announced! On TV! It may be the go-home show, but beggars cant be choosers.

OK, Nattie vs Brie was really cool. I cant think of a better Bella match off the top of my head. Nattie coming with the kip ups and the Discus Lariat and the Wrasslin’ Skillz. I’ve missed Nattie. She and Brie had this back and forth match where not only did Nattie look like a million bucks, but Brie stayed with her so well that in the end, it was completely believable that a Bella could hit her finish and beat Natalya clean. This actually marks the first Divas match since Extreme Rules that wasn’t interrupted by KHARMA. And I didn’t mind. Legit cannot wait for Kelly Kelly to become the Women’s Champion of the Entire World.

THERE WILL BE NO STOPPIN’. I’m so glad Zeke’s Music is back. I still cant help but notice his accent whenever he talks though. This was OK, it wasn’t a bad promo, but this is not the best use of Zeke. He’s far too big to come across as a sympathetic babyface.

Yay, a 6 man tag! Actually, this match turned out better than you’d think. In 5 months Gabes and Slater have never failed to be fun bumping around for these guys. A pretty fun ‘big men bumping small men’ match, and a finish featuring the return of the TORTURE RACK! Werent we just talking about the torture rack? WWE Reads the Boards # 476. Slater is suddenly wearing tights too, for which reason I cant imagine. He doesn’t have skinny legs or anything. Whatever. Good stuff.

If Orton wants Christian at 100%, he has a funny way of showing it. Right on brother.

Arghhhhh, Chavo. I don’t mind the clock gimmick. This was a decent 5 minute match, some fun Bryan spots. Chavo going home and hitting the 3 Amigos and the Frog Splash clean just for a kick out was hella weird. But, f*ck Chavo, kill his finisher, I don’t care. Fun finish, in that regard. Then Sin Cara! Fun guy. These guys need to open and have a 10 minute lucha spotfest. If Chavo gets heat on this guy for more than 2 seconds I’m going to punch someone.

Ted. CODY?! NO NO NO! NO. Just f*cking  NO. Turn the guy babyface, don’t just put him back with Cody! F*ck off! He’s going to drag my Cody down with him. God damn it. Just when Cody was going so well, they overplay the paper bags and put him with TED DIBIASE. I hate you Double Double E. Cody needs to get away from both as quickly as possible. JUST GIVE HIM AN OPPONENT TO FEUD WITH. Christ in Heaven, its not hard.

This is what happens when you don’t have babyfaces. You have heels standing around with nothing to do but GET BACK TOGETHER WITH TED. Morons.

And now Khali. Gah. They actually did this well, and when you’re talking about Khali and timing that’s something. He was dancing around, so Jinder Mahal storms out and says (presumably) “Quit it with the f*cking dancing and KILL THIS F*CKER!” So Khali goes back in and CHOP OF DOOM and kills him. They did this fine, but…gah.

Orton vs Henry was a fine match. It wasn’t more than that because Henry works better with smaller guys. But I enjoyed it. Then we get the DQ and Christian bein’ a douche to repay Orton for bein’ a douche, and the happy ending with JESUS CHRIST RANDY ORTON DANCING. I…WHAT. HUH Orton, swear to God, just hit the RKO, then popped up and did a wild JUMPING SPLIT, and pumped his fists. THAT IS THE STRANGEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN ON THIS SHOW, EVER.

While the other half of my brain is still working though, I like it. I liked it when he first came to SD and acted like a normal human being for 2 minutes, and if this was another attempt to act more human, well, it needs some polish, but I dig the idea. Randy needs to not be a robot.

Anyway, I’m still pretty flummoxed but I’m fairly sure this was a good show.

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