The Redman Report: WWE Smackdown 29/4/11: The Road to Recovery

So, OK. After my little tantrum the other day, I’ve calmed down and realised that its not the end of the world. Its going to be awful saying goodbye to my guys today, but there are a lot of good things ahead too. Sin Cara. Daniel Bryan. Mark Henry. Christian. Layla and Michelle. And most importantly, Cody Rhodes: The Top Smackdown Heel.

I hear voices in my head. Actually you know what, the first few minutes of this show, with Randy coming out here with his FACIAL HAIR and cracking up at being so over and LOLing all over the place, that was seriously the most…human that guy has looked in years. This was fun. Drew got a chance to talk before BAM, then Orton is interrupted again and this time he’s like “f*ck this” and BAMs Riley right away, and he knows as soon as he opens his mouth again he’ll get interrupted again, that was all pretty funny, and then ALBERTO. And we have a cool as hell main event. Approve all of this here.

And Rey vs MARK HENRY sounds totally awesome.

Kofi! My darling! I promised myself I wouldnt cry. Nooo Sheamus! Well. Just when I felt OK about the Draft, they kick me while I’m down one last time by depriving me of one last Kofi Smackdown match. Screw you, Double Double E. Poor Kofi got jobbed to hell here. But it is actually important that Sheamus be established as a threat in a sea of midcard heels, so at least they got that right.

But my poor darling Kofi 🙁 I’m gonna miss you man.

Sin Cara! Sin Cara vs Swagger was a fun little match, Swagger got some stiff shots in and Cara got some flipping in. Josh Matthews (in the absence of Striker, I guess) also got a “Misti..fying” in as well. HOWEVER, for some reason they decided to leave the wacky blue lighting they used for SC’s entrance on for the entire match, and it was really freaking goofy and distracting. I hope they never do that again.

The t-shirts are starting to annoy me now too. I dont hate them out of hand like some people do, I dont mind using them for the Draft show, or Bragging Rights, you know, when they’re having the show, but here after the fact its just…lame. Its coming across to me like “You fans watching must be pretty stupid, so we’ll have big colourful shirts to show you which guy is on which show.”

Also its kind of funny that Gabes and Slater HAVE TO wear SD shirts, so Gabes went to the trouble to cut up his Corre shirt to wear as a skirt to show how much he loves the Corre…while he’s in the middle of BICKERING with the Corre.

Woah, the first 60 seconds of this tag title match RULED. Gabes came in a house of fire and went crazy with kicks trying to keep Show down, but he tries to cover him and gets LAUNCHED right out of the ring. Awesome fun. OK, seriously, this was some fun stuff. I enjoy Slater’s bumping more and more every week. If these guys had even a little support they’d be such a great heel team. Well, they are a great heel team.They’ve just had no support.

Jinder Mahal, who I’m sure is a random Indian guy in FCW, just showed up randomly backstage to talk to Runjin and Khali. An Indian backstage meeting. That was strange. Jinder is quite the handsome devil at first glance actually. So I guess he’s gonna be on Smackdown.

Rey! Cant wait for this PPV man. MARK HENRY! I have a feeling I’m going to love Smilin’ Heel Mark Henry just as much as Smilin’ Babyface Mark Henry. AHAHAHA, the first big bump Rey took off Henry, basically being BAM’d by his…FATNESS, that ruled. I like how you saw Rey take the roll outside and play possum for Henry, and WOAH Henry took a wicked Mick Foley bump over the steps. He’s got his working boots on for his (latest) big push. This guy is so good when they want him to be. Henry KILLED him on that avalanche. This was such a great giant/little man match. And then CODY! The headbutt he threw outside sounded SICK. This guy HAS TO win at the PPV. He just has to. I’m so glad he was my one survivor from the Draft ass-f*cking. He sure aint losing his crown any time soon.

Michelle! Layla! HOLY JESUS CHRIST THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. OHMYGODOHMYGOD. BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF HER LAY! OK, no match, that makes more sense. This was a fun brawl, actually. Michelle took too much of it for my liking, but whatever, these bitches kick some serious ass. It was nice for a women’s angle to get over even a little as well. Great brawl, shockingly good promos, we end up with Layla vs Michelle in a Loser Leaves Town Street Fight on PPV to end their feud and I am this close to paying money to see this show.

Just on the girls before I go, I forgot to mention this after Raw when I was throwing my tantrum, but Layla is just an immense worker. When she finally snapped and went after Michelle on Raw, she just went mental and killed her, this was intense, emotional stuff, and when it was over she broke down and sobbed. Because this was her best friend, her best friend, but through a combination of self-defense and being fed up with this bitch hurting her feelings, she just had to hurt her back. But she didnt want to, she didnt enjoy it, she didnt just do the beatdown and walk away smiling like every other person who is breaking up with their partner and suddenly doesnt care about their best friend anymore. She broke down, in tears, because of what Michelle has done to their friendship. This sh*t is real. I love Layla.

Anyway, Christian cut a really good promo here, talking about how he was never sure he’d live up to his potential and win the world title, but now that he’s here he knows he can do it. Great stuff. I seriously dont care who wins this thing.

Alberto! I’m gonna miss you buddy. I also hope that Brodus doesnt get lost in the shuffle after this, he’s a great fat man and a seriously great promo, he could really do well. Its just that on a show with Henry, Show, Kane, Khali and Zeke, he’s going to be struggling for giant man screen time.

Anyway, this is fun. Christian slapping bitches and Brodus killing bitches with his FATNESS. Christian beating Brodus to the punch that one time early on was just glorious. Good teases, good heel work from Alberto and Brodus, awesome selling as always from Christian. A good fakeout with the finish too. That was a really fun main event.

So after two hours the main thing to take away is that Smackdown is now the land of the giant ass fat men. We just had three really, really good big/little man matches – the tag title match, Rey/Henry and the main event with Brodus. Fatties are gonna rule this town from now on, it seems. Which is no bad thing, these are some great fatties and there are a bunch of great guys ready to bounce off them.

So as  for the Draft, I aint hatin’ no mo’. Big Mark Henry, Cody Rhodes, Sin Cara, Layla, Christian, Gabes and Slater, and so on and so on, there are a bunch of things I can look forward to on FRIDEE NIGHT SMACK DOWN going forward. So, its fine. Its totally fine. I’m fine.

*FLASHBACK to 2007: Matt Hardy & MVP*

Matt Hardy & Ric Flair vs MVP & Chris Masters, Smackdown 27/7/07

We pick up where we left off 2 weeks ago, after Matt’s hard fought loss to MVP at the Great American Bash. I’d like to take a second to ponder the collection of pro wrestling in the ring here – Matt Hardy. MVP. Ric Flair. Chris Masters. That is some serious something right there. Sounds good.

And it delivers. Just about 10 minutes of the most simple tag team wrestling known to man. Babyfaces outworking the heels. Heels poking guys in the eye. Faces getting the tag and cleaning house. So simple, but so good. There’s a point towards the finish where either Flair or Masters loses control and they descend into a SLAP BATTLE, which was hilarious. And the finish was more outstanding work as Matt finally catches Masters trying the same powerslam he tried in their singles match which led to that finish, and Matt reverses into the Twist of Fate just the same here. Sh*t’s real.

Another little thing was MVP starting to move when Masters was going down, but at about the 2 count he realised he wouldnt make it, so he said “f*ck it” and walked off before the ref had even got to 3. That was cool. I also liked how when Matt came out they didnt bury him for losing the title match, instead putting over how close he came and how tough he was. JBL also has a great line in here that “I was a humble champion..”

I love all of these guys. This will continue.