The sun is shining, the beer is in the fridge, the phone number for the takeaway is pinned next to the phone, the PPV is ordered, the sweeties and snacks all organised… yup, it’s WRESTLEMANIA day, people!!! To mix my sports, and quote the UFC’s Bruce Buffer, if you’re a wrestling fan, then IT’S TIIIIIME FOR THE MAIN EVENT of the wrestling year.
This is the one time of year when the mainstream media and the world in general sits up and pays attention to wrestling; the one shot that it has of being remotely relevant. This, friends, is very much the one day when it’s cool to say you’ll be watching tonight. Revel in it, enjoy it, make the most of it… for by Tuesday evening, mention wrestling, and you’ll be back getting the “oh you know it’s fake, right?” comments…
But enough of that pontificating. You’re here for one reason, and one reason only, right? RIGHT! It’s time to put my cards on the table (and in the case of William Hill’s bookies in the UK, your money where your mouth is as they were taking bets on some of the matches!) and call who I think will win the glory. Here we go!
WWE United States Title Match
Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus [C]
Rumour is this match is going to get the old heave-ho to either dark match status, or scrapped altogether. I don’t know why, as Bryan gets big pops, and Sheamus deserves some kind of reward for enduring the losing streak he’s gone through. For my money, ALL the belts should be defended at WrestleMania in any case, but that’s another story for another day. If this match makes it, I can totally see Bryan regaining his title, and putting on a great (if short) match with The Celtic Warrior.
Winner: DANIEL BRYAN
Ezekiel Jackson, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel and Wade Barrett vs. Big Show, Kane, Santino Marella and one other Superstar TBA
Ugh. Really don’t care about this, although the “surprise” addition of Kofi on the day would add something to it. I’d love to see Kofi and Barrett going at it for the IC belt, but you can’t have everything, I guess. Santino will get the crowd going, and if we see Kane do the trombone salute, then it’s not a total loss. Can’t see past The Corre here, realistically. Kofi’s addition could tip the balance of power, though.
Winners: THE CORRE
John Morrison, Trish Stratus and Snooki vs. Dolph Ziggler, Layla and Michelle McCool
Your standard WrestleMania “let’s throw a celeb in for some mainstream attention” match. Ziggler and Morrison can go, their segments could light Atlanta on fire alone. Trish should be good for a few pops, and Laycool could draw heel heat in an empty room. Let’s not forget Vickie Guerrero will be close by too. Snooki? Let’s hope she doesn’t screw up any moves too badly. Zack Ryder should accompany her out. WWWYKI.
Winners: JOHN MORRISON, TRISH STRATUS & SNOOKI
Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes
A sleeper candidate for match of the night. Rey always ups his game for ‘Mania and with Sin Cara looming on the horizon, he’ll be out to prove he can still hang at the top of the card. Cody is a lot better than he gets credit for, and coming from the Rhodes family, he understands how to put a match together. Rey specifically asked for this feud, so I can see him putting Cody over here. Possibility of some Dusty interaction too, if you will.
Winner: CODY RHODES
Jerry Lawler vs. Michael Cole with Jack Swagger
Special Referee: Stone Cold Steve Austin
I can’t lie. I’m looking forward to this. I really am. It’s been built beautifully, and King deserves his day in the sun as much as anyone. Plus it opens the door for some JR commentary. Michael Cole has honed his character to perfection, and has mastered acting like a total tool, to quote the aforementioned JR… He simply HAS to get his comeuppance here. even if he can’t eat a piledriver, he’ll get a stunner at some point. Don’t expect a five star classic, but expect HUGE heat on this one.
Winner: JERRY LAWLER
Randy Orton vs. CM Punk
Orton and Punk “get it” – they know how to work a match in the mid card, yet make it seem so much more. Punk is golden on the mic, and in the ring, and may well be pound-for-pound the best on the go in the WWE right now. Orton is free-wheeling in his face role just now, but still draws the pops from the fans. This is a stepping stone, for both men – but they’ll still put on a show. Orton has to win here, surely.
Winner: RANDY ORTON
World Heavyweight Title Match
Alberto Del Rio with Brodus Clay vs. Edge [C] with Christian
A foregone conclusion that Del Rio will fulfill his “destiny” and become World Heavyweight Champion here. No other result makes sense. I do, however, see a heel turn from Christian coming. Either here, or just having the seeds planted. Personally, I would love a Edge vs. Christian feud, and with Edge constantly talking of retiral, there may not be much time left.
Winner: ALBERTO DEL RIO
No Holds Barred Match
Triple H vs. The Undertaker
I would call this another foregone conclusion, with Taker nowhere near ready to ride off into the sunset yet. The Streak should NEVER be broken, and I would bet money on it reaching 20-0 next year, with that possibly being the last we’ll see of The Deadman as an regular active competitor. Trips is smart enough to know this is probably his last really big shot at Mania, and for that reason, this match WILL steal the show. Not on HBK/Taker level, perhaps – but it’ll be damn good. Look for some HBK interaction too…
WWE Title Match
John Cena vs. The Miz [C]
Now, you reckon The Rock will get involved here? To quote Charlie Sheen, Duh! For my money, there’s more mileage in The Rock vs. Cena down the line, than in Cena vs. Miz or Miz vs. Rock… I reckon Mr. Cena will be looking at the lights here, and Miz will walk away as champ, if not as the main story coming out of the show. Seeds will be planted for Rock vs. Cena here, and for that reason, I see Cena being screwed somehow. Miz is smart enough to bide his time and play the political game, take the hit, not make a fuss and increase his standing backstage. Miz IS the future, but Rock and Cena are the money right now.
Winner: THE MIZ
So there we go. At the very least, it’s going to be a hell of a night just based on star power alone. Enjoy the show, folks!
Until next time… have fun, go mad.